Waging War!

I have been praying and crying out to God so much lately, I wonder if He is even there listening anymore. I was telling Him this morning that I am at the end of my rope and need Him to throw me His. I've been praying for a word, any word. I just need to know He is there somewhere. I remember when I first started my walk with the Lord. He would show up in ways I never thought imaginable. I would get little notes and see things that I knew He had placed there just for me. But I'm walking this road and I feel so alone. I keep hearing, "Lori don't give up!" Is it because He knows I'm so close to actually doing that? This season I've been going through for some time now has opened my eyes to so much. Some of the thoughts I used to have are slapping me in the face. I can remember hearing about people being homeless and living in their car. And I would wonder how that could happen if there were jobs out there. I would look at situations where someone had committed suicide and think how selfish it was to leave their family in such turmoil. I've watched shows on people that just leave and run with the hope of having a new life. But let me tell you, all of this has become more of a realty to me in these past months.
I understand why people are homeless. I have been looking for a job for some time now and you would think I could come across something. We live in a community where knowing Spanish is a must in the job market and unfortunately I do not know Spanish. Yes I could take Spanish classes for a semester at the college, but that doesn't help my situation right now. And I can tell you that more times recently I have thoughts of "why am I even here?" I feel like God has used me all that He can and my time is up and He is tired of me and left. It's a lonely feeling. And the running away....well it's a quick thought but I know I've done that so many times with my problems that I can't see myself doing it but the thought of a new life sounds so wonderful right now.
I'm not writing this because I'm asking anyone to feel sorry for me. That's the last thing I would ever want. But I do know that God has asked me to be vulnerable and transparent. So if I were to get on my blog and say "life is great right now", I would be lying. And to be honest, I know that other women are out there feeling the same way. So what do we do with all of this? We have to wage war against the enemy. This isn't a battle against the people around us. This isn't a battle against God. This is a battle against an enemy that has the sole purpose to steal, kill and destroy. And believe me, this enemy wants me dead! I can feel it all around me.
But if we can feel it all around us, we need to look at why there is a battle for our lives. It's because we are a threat! That threat is what is making me push on. I pray to do big things for God. The enemy knows that too. And he is trying to destroy me before that happens.
So for today, I am just going to rest. Rest in the fact the enemy will not win again today. I may be stuck in this season until God has everything put together for me, but it's exactly just that.....a season. And as long as I make it though this season even with a little frustration and not dealing it with perfectly, I've still won as long as I am alive and still walking forward! The same is true for you! Wage a war of your own today! Fight the right fight and let the rest go.
We are singing this song at church right now and I wanted to share it with you as well. This is our battle cry girl! LET'S DO THIS THING! CLICK