I have been pondering on the message at church all week and still unsure of how to deal with it or what God is asking me to do with it. Our Pastor talked about how he received a letter from a woman wanting to find her family because her Dad had slept around with so many women that she had found at least 30 siblings so far via Facebook. He happened to have the same last name. And it brought back so many emotions for me. Many of you already know that I am adopted. I've always been curious about who my birth parents were and what they might be like. But I've always known I was adopted and it never affected me. I would tell friends growing up and they would just act shocked and amazed like it was a big deal. I would just shrug it off. It didn't mean much to me.
Quite a few years back, long after my Mom died, I decided it might be great to finally meet my birth Mom. In my adoption papers, I had names of my birth Father and Mother. However, I had no idea if they were the correct names. I gave up with just a little bit of research, trying to decide if I actually wanted to go through with it. What if she rejected me? I had a friend that honestly thought she could contact my Mom and it would be a "happily ever after" reunion. She did the legwork and found my Mom. She contacted a close friend of hers and with conversations back and forth was told that my birth Mom didn't want any contact with me. She was remarried with a new family and they knew nothing of this baby girl she gave birth to so many years prior. So my biggest fear came true. And I wasn't devastated. Yes it hurt me, but I moved on. I had not had this woman in my life up to this point, I certainly didn't need her today either.
So that's not the confusing part for me. I was praying one day and I specifically heard words loud and clear "You know you have a Dad". God was reminding me that I had a birth Dad. And it was so odd to me because I had never thought about searching for him. Probably because of the relationship I had with my own Dad. A father figure, or men in general had scared me enough in my life that I wasn't willing to even go to a place of putting another one in my life in that kind of role. So who knows maybe you will be taking the next journey with me to not only finding a new trust in my Heavenly Father but a relationship with my birth Dad! I don't know why God would say that if he didn't have plans for it. Regardless I know that I am searching for a time with my Papa or Heavenly Father that I can just rest in His enormous lap and enjoy everything He has ready and waiting for me. And know that He will never hurt me. Maybe refine me to develop my character but to see Him in the way He is calling me to. What about you? Where are you at in your "Father" relationships? More importantly your relationship with your Daddy in Heaven? It's time we find out together!
"There's more: God's Word warns us of danger
and directs us to hidden treasure.
Otherwise how will we find our way?
Or know when we play the fool?
Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!"
Psalm 19:11 (The Message)
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