Building New Muscle

I am sitting in my room having quiet time and trying to find God once again. It's not that I actually lost him but I have not been as close as before. I was asking him last night when I went to bed about what happened. I wanted to know what happened to me. Why have I gotten weak? I remember when I fist began my relationship with Him. I would cry every weekend at church and I had such a reliance on God. I talked to him about everything and knew so intimately that he was there with me.
So I sit here today wondering why I feel so distant. What God spoke to me last night was that "Life happened". When I came to know him I was single and focused on my boys and building a relationship with them and trying to survive financially. It seems as though many years later, I'm married but right back to the same place only different. I'm still working on my relationship with my boys. Some of them are better and some are worse. And when you get married and have step children and families, it's another focus. I love my step daughters, don't get me wrong. They are not the problem, I am! I am trying to find my place in the midst of life, including family life.
I think that we all try to find our "place". Women specifically need to nest and find a place they are comfortable. And I will just say that God has not allowed that comfort in my life for some time. I know the reason is to make me grow in so many different areas. Being in the center of the battle, I'm not sure of what I'm learning but once I come out of it I know it will be crystal clear.
It would be easy to run. I don't know where I would run to. I really don't have anywhere to go. But I can remember one day not so long ago coming back from my sister's house and feeling alone more than I ever have in my life. I had a breakdown in my relationship with my sister and she has been the strong one in my family that I knew I could count on. Once that was stripped away, I really felt alone. So on my way back I cried, no I weeped on a whole new level. And I thought I could just drive and drive. No one would really miss me and even if they did, it wouldn't take long for them to forget me. Yeah the whole pity party thing. I think I had gotten to a place where emotionally I was at the end. I could not take one more thing happen in my life.
I know we have all been there. You may be there today. I am still pulling myself up and out but I know that God is there helping me. And I choose to take a breather before I pull myself farther out again. I'm not in a pit. I am just in a place that God is asking me to reach deep down and find a new strength. Not one I've relied on ever in my life before. When I pray to go to a new level in my life, it means that God has to train me and work muscles and areas that have not been worked before. Life is always about choices and I choose to live today. I choose to give God my life so that He can use it. I choose to just be me, but me stronger and better than ever before. What about you?

"Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them." Philippians 4:4 (The Message)