I sit and wait. I say that I am excited about this new season that God is bringing. The problem is that I thought I knew what it was and once again I may be totally off base. Sometimes we feel a passion stirring within us and we just know that God is finally ready to use it. I was worshiping at church last weekend and I heard the words "I'm sending you" so I got instantly excited! Because I know that God calls us but we have to wait till we are ready to be "sent". Sent could mean a variety of different things. It could mean a variety of different ministries. So once again I sit and wait.
I've talked to someone recently and explained to her that I didn't really know if she needed college behind her. She has such a huge testimony and God can use her to help others regardless of spending a lot of money on college and being away from her kids. Her children are her most important ministry right now. But I look at where I sit right now and it makes me wonder why I didn't have more goals in high school. I just wanted to get out of the house and do my own thing. I was very selfish in my attempt to numb out and get away from my Dad. I know that it is never too late to go back to college and get a degree but what would it be in? I don't know that what my goals to save lives for God can be learned in a textbook. I can tell I'm battling once again for my life and to not be discouraged right now.
I had a friend of mine send me a text message last night and said to rest because I need it for the next plan God has for me. I wanted to scream "Are you kidding me???" I've been resting! I stepped away from most of what I was doing at the church to help with Grandchildren and now that they are settled back in with their Mom I'm ready to move and groove.
But I hear once again to "rest and prepare". But wouldn't it be easier to prepare if I knew what to prepare for? I bet you can't tell I'm being cynical. I find myself holding back. I don't want to push for anything that isn't mine to push for. I don't want to stand in the way of anyone else being in a position that I'm praying so hard for. I want God's perfect will for my life and for those around me. So that brings me back to where I was in the beginning of this blog.....so I sit and wait!
So as I sit and wait I will continue to dream big! I don't know if I will be praying or focusing on any certain area ~ only to be used to reach millions once again. It doesn't matter who or what ministry. Millions are millions! And God knows which group of people that is. I can only speculate and we all know speculation is not truth and it can get our minds in a place that is unhealthy and leads to disappointment. So I will stick with God's truth which is that He loves me and will never leave me. He will do the same for you. What will we do in the stillness as we sit and wait????
"Take a good look at my trouble, and help me—
I haven't forgotten your revelation.
Take my side and get me out of this;
give me back my life, just as you promised.
"Salvation" is only gibberish to the wicked
because they've never looked it up in your dictionary.
Your mercies, God, run into the billions;
following your guidelines, revive me.
My antagonists are too many to count,
but I don't swerve from the directions you gave.
I took one look at the quitters and was filled with loathing;
they walked away from your promises so casually!
Take note of how I love what you tell me;
out of your life of love, prolong my life.
Your words all add up to the sum total: Truth.
Your righteous decisions are eternal."
Psalms 119:153-160 (The Message)
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