It's been a long weekend. I think I actually should say it's been a long couple of years. I was able to spend the weekend with my youngest son and attended a Parent Seminar. The seminar went well. I just realized some things about myself. I sat there one night listening to the other parents talk about how they got their sons to the school and I just sat amazed. Most of them had used a transport company and they had talked about how the 2 big guys came at 2 or 3 in the morning and took their sons from their bed and hauled them away in the night.
Our son was not "transported" but taken by his Dad and brothers. Of course he didn't know where he was going but that was difficult enough. I kept texting his brother the entire morning wondering if they were there yet and what his brother's reaction was. Even during that time they tried to protect me. I didn't realize how much of a reaction it had been.
When the other parents were talking about the different places their children had attended prior to this school, it brought me back to the first place my youngest son attended as well. I'm not going to name the place, but let's just say it was awful! If I would have known more specific information about this school, my son would have never set foot on campus there. In fact, just a month ago I heard from another Mom that had her son there while mine was attending had to remove her son. She had found out that pills and alcohol were being sold and a staple there. In fact her son, which is very young, didn't have problems with being addicted to drugs till attending. There was much more that happened, but I would rather not comment. Mainly because it's just too hard for me to even think about. I praise God every day that we were shown little things in the school while there for a parent weekend and we immediately removed our son.
But this was several years ago. And we are still trying to help our son see his truest potential in life. And after this weekend, I can see the changes in him but wondering when we know he is at the place that he can leave a school that is isolating him from the world and start to live life as God intended. It's hard and also very draining. My son has been there almost 9 months now. And it never seems to get easier to have him away. In fact it's much harder after spending an entire weekend with him.
God is showing me patience, as well as complete trust. Right now I want my son to be done and to come home and I hear God say, "He is not ready". Which makes me want to scream! I want to ask God if He doesn't see the pain I'm feeling, the tears that flow freely quite often and the sadness in my own son's eyes. And as usual, God reminds me of my own healing. He shows me the journey it's been and reminds me that I needed that time. And now it's my son's time. I can't say I am just giving in and being the perfect Christian that is full of laughter and joy, but I'm choosing to accept today. Accept God's perfect will for my life and my son's life.
"That's plain enough, isn't it? You're no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You're no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He's using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he's using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home." Ephesians 2:19-22 (The Message)
I know I've played this before, but I needed as a reminder today and thought maybe you did too! "IT'S GOING TO BE WORTH IT"
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