What's a Little Rain?

I got up this morning and told myself it was going to be a great day. I have to do that more frequently these days. It seems as though I wake up tired and frustrated. I could blame it on a million different things, but reality is that I'm in a battle right now. A battle for this next season God is calling me to. It's funny how we believe in God and what He is about to do in our lives, but why is it so hard to believe that there is an enemy that wants to discourage and defeat us just as much as God wants us to succeed. There have been many days lately that I feel shut down. I've talked about it before. It's a way that I have coped for many years. In all the ways I could choose to cope this is probably the one that seems to cause the least pain and frustration in those around me. I can say that and try to convince myself of that, but it is still a way of coping other than looking to the Word or my God to cope in what's going on around me.
I'm asking God to show me how to guard my heart in the right way. I've been hurt so much in the past that I've guarded my heart in a way that I decide no one should have access. Hence, the shutting down. I know if you have followed my life recently you know that we have had 4 Grandchildren living with us. Their Mom has returned to their lives and we couldn't be more happy for all of them. We are praying for all of their lives to change in the Lord and become a family that is supportive and loving. I can say with certainty that I am happy for them, but at the same time I feel like my heart has been shredded. I poured my heart and soul into these children for a couple of months. It wasn't easy when they first came to live with us because it was so sudden but once I allowed my heart to open up freely I was in their lives in a way that was great for all of us. And suddenly they are out of my life and I don't know what to do about my heart. Now I realize that they are not completely out of the picture. They still live in the same town and I can see them whenever I want, but it's hard to watch their little attitudes change back to where they were before they came to live with us.
I don't expect everyone to change all at once, including their Mom. They have had years of acting and reacting in certain ways and it takes some time to change a cycle that everyone is used to. But oh how it hurts to watch. You want so much for everyone to get it and live life happy, but it's not my timing ~ it's God's.
So I sit back and watch those closest to me struggling and hurting. I'm still waiting on my youngest son to return home and after 7 months away, I'm still looking at possibly 5 more. He is doing great don't get me wrong, but my heart misses him so much.
In the midst of everything around me, God has and is doing something in me. I do have a dream. I have a hope in doing something huge. In fact God spoke specific words to me this morning. And the enemy would love to come along and make me think that I am unworthy or uneducated to do what God is calling me to. That's the discouragement I'm talking about first thing in the morning. So before I even step foot onto the floor when getting out of bed, I tell myself "It's going to be a great day Lori". On the days I forget to do that, the day turns out just as I wake up. Frustrated, tired and full of hopelessness. So first thing in the morning is my choice for the day. Is it going to be one of joy and newness or is it going to be one I waste away due to my own negativity? Today I chose joy and to be in warrior mode.
In my quiet time God spoke to me and said "It's time to stand up and stand strong for me and for those I call you to help." And that's exactly what I'm going to do. What about you? Don't let the enemy take that choice away from you today or any other day. It's going to be a great day my beautiful friend! Believe it and even if you can't believe, say it enough times till you can at least consider it.

"Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like." James 1:22-24 (The Message)

What's a little rain? Bring me joy....Bring me peace!