It's been a long weekend. I think I actually should say it's been a long couple of years. I was able to spend the weekend with my youngest son and attended a Parent Seminar. The seminar went well. I just realized some things about myself. I sat there one night listening to the other parents talk about how they got their sons to the school and I just sat amazed. Most of them had used a transport company and they had talked about how the 2 big guys came at 2 or 3 in the morning and took their sons from their bed and hauled them away in the night.
Our son was not "transported" but taken by his Dad and brothers. Of course he didn't know where he was going but that was difficult enough. I kept texting his brother the entire morning wondering if they were there yet and what his brother's reaction was. Even during that time they tried to protect me. I didn't realize how much of a reaction it had been.
When the other parents were talking about the different places their children had attended prior to this school, it brought me back to the first place my youngest son attended as well. I'm not going to name the place, but let's just say it was awful! If I would have known more specific information about this school, my son would have never set foot on campus there. In fact, just a month ago I heard from another Mom that had her son there while mine was attending had to remove her son. She had found out that pills and alcohol were being sold and a staple there. In fact her son, which is very young, didn't have problems with being addicted to drugs till attending. There was much more that happened, but I would rather not comment. Mainly because it's just too hard for me to even think about. I praise God every day that we were shown little things in the school while there for a parent weekend and we immediately removed our son.
But this was several years ago. And we are still trying to help our son see his truest potential in life. And after this weekend, I can see the changes in him but wondering when we know he is at the place that he can leave a school that is isolating him from the world and start to live life as God intended. It's hard and also very draining. My son has been there almost 9 months now. And it never seems to get easier to have him away. In fact it's much harder after spending an entire weekend with him.
God is showing me patience, as well as complete trust. Right now I want my son to be done and to come home and I hear God say, "He is not ready". Which makes me want to scream! I want to ask God if He doesn't see the pain I'm feeling, the tears that flow freely quite often and the sadness in my own son's eyes. And as usual, God reminds me of my own healing. He shows me the journey it's been and reminds me that I needed that time. And now it's my son's time. I can't say I am just giving in and being the perfect Christian that is full of laughter and joy, but I'm choosing to accept today. Accept God's perfect will for my life and my son's life.
"That's plain enough, isn't it? You're no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You're no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He's using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he's using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home." Ephesians 2:19-22 (The Message)
I know I've played this before, but I needed as a reminder today and thought maybe you did too! "IT'S GOING TO BE WORTH IT"
Baby Picture
Orphan Georgie Ann
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Stand up Soldier!
I found this quote this morning. "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." ~Victor Frankl~ Yep, I'm pretty sure that's what is going on with me right now. God is squeezing me in a way to move me in a new direction. And maybe not even a new direction. When I was having my quiet time this morning, God was showing me that I was in a battle zone. I've seen this before when my husband and I went to the mountains this summer. I looked at this mountain in front of us and asked God to show me where I was on this mountain of my journey and He showed me I was at the very top. I was amazed and excited but then He spoke to me and said "You are at the top My Child but you are laying down." And then I saw a picture of me laying on my stomach afraid to stand because of not feeling safe.
That's the image that God showed me again this morning. I felt like I was in the middle of a war. That shots were being fired all around me and I was laying down to take cover afraid to stand up. And God told me to STAND UP! He told me to not fear anything. That I need to stand and move onward and not look back. He also told me that I was not left behind and that I was a leader. He has called me to lead and once I do that, others will follow.
Talk about putting everything going on in a whole new perspective. I know I've been in a battle zone. I know that there is an enemy that would love to immobilize me right now. Because as long as I am not able to move, then I won't be doing anything for God and His Kingdom. And I have to believe that there is something big around the corner or I wouldn't need to fight so hard. So I am putting on my hard hat and I'm going to stand and move forward knowing that God will reflect any bullets that come my way. I will not allow the enemy to win this newest battle. I am going to lead and hope that others will follow. We are all called to lead by example and I've been questioning myself way too much lately. I've been standing on the sidelines waiting for the next big break to come along but maybe I need to make the break happen by moving forward. No one can be used while they are laying on the ground trying to protect themselves. No one won any battles doing that. Which battle do you need to fight today? You need to start by trusting God and knowing He has your back and will not let you down. I'm going to do just that today.
"How can a young person live a clean life?
By carefully reading the map of your Word.
I'm single-minded in pursuit of you;
don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.
I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart
so I won't sin myself bankrupt.
Be blessed, God;
train me in your ways of wise living.
I'll transfer to my lips
all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
I delight far more in what you tell me about living
than in gathering a pile of riches.
I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
I attentively watch how you've done it.
I relish everything you've told me of life,
I won't forget a word of it."
Psalm 119:9-16
That's the image that God showed me again this morning. I felt like I was in the middle of a war. That shots were being fired all around me and I was laying down to take cover afraid to stand up. And God told me to STAND UP! He told me to not fear anything. That I need to stand and move onward and not look back. He also told me that I was not left behind and that I was a leader. He has called me to lead and once I do that, others will follow.
Talk about putting everything going on in a whole new perspective. I know I've been in a battle zone. I know that there is an enemy that would love to immobilize me right now. Because as long as I am not able to move, then I won't be doing anything for God and His Kingdom. And I have to believe that there is something big around the corner or I wouldn't need to fight so hard. So I am putting on my hard hat and I'm going to stand and move forward knowing that God will reflect any bullets that come my way. I will not allow the enemy to win this newest battle. I am going to lead and hope that others will follow. We are all called to lead by example and I've been questioning myself way too much lately. I've been standing on the sidelines waiting for the next big break to come along but maybe I need to make the break happen by moving forward. No one can be used while they are laying on the ground trying to protect themselves. No one won any battles doing that. Which battle do you need to fight today? You need to start by trusting God and knowing He has your back and will not let you down. I'm going to do just that today.
"How can a young person live a clean life?
By carefully reading the map of your Word.
I'm single-minded in pursuit of you;
don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.
I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart
so I won't sin myself bankrupt.
Be blessed, God;
train me in your ways of wise living.
I'll transfer to my lips
all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
I delight far more in what you tell me about living
than in gathering a pile of riches.
I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
I attentively watch how you've done it.
I relish everything you've told me of life,
I won't forget a word of it."
Psalm 119:9-16
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Keep Walking!
I take time every morning to journal. Even if I feel like my day is going to be busy, I still find the time to quiet my mind and write about my prayers and concerns for the day. Not only does it help me to get everything out, but God speaks to me in the stillness of the morning. He helps to comfort my heart in unsettled places and He also answers my questions. Sometimes I don't hear what I would like to hear and this morning was no exception to that.
I have been in a cloud for some time now. Not a cloud of confusion as much as feeling like I'm walking around not being able to see through to the victory of what's at the clearing at the end. I'm not confused in it because I know that God is leading me through. Even if I'm blinded in some of the areas within it, I know that there is something God is doing within me. There are some days I walk in it with boldness and some days I have a tendency to hold back and God has to pull me. And when I say pull me, I mean pull hard.
Since my youngest son has been gone, it's been the most difficult journey in the fog so far in my life. My husband pointed out to me last night just how much it affects me. I'm always so excited to get to see him, but just as heartbroken when I have to leave him once again. I know that God keeps telling me that my son is not ready to come home yet and to have hope in what God is doing in his life even if I don't see the results just yet. But my Mother's heart wants to scream!
Which brings me back to my journal time this morning. I was asking God specifics about moving forward and He showed me that I'm not through the cloud yet. That there is more to endure and conquer within it. So immediately I started crying. I was pleading and asking God to give me a breather. I don't know what else my heart can take. But I have to believe that God knows what I can handle. And I know that with every battle, I've become stronger as a Christian and as a woman in a crazy world. God is preparing me for the place in my life that I have prayed so hard for. I cannot reach millions if I'm not strong and prepared in ALL areas. I can't be prepared in just a few or I will fall apart. Oh sure it might be okay for awhile, but God knows every aspect of my heart that needs work. And if I go out before Him thinking I am ready, I will not do everything I've wanted to do. At midstream I might have to stop and finish the work on my heart that God knew needed done all along.
This is what God spoke to me this morning about being in the cloud. "You have helped change and touched so many lives even when your light is dim. Look how many lives you will touch once you make it out of this cloud and your light is shining in full brightness."
So this is what I'm holding on to. I know some of you reading this may be going through a cloud of your own and wondering when it will ever end. But it will end. Don't look at the darkness of the cloud, look at the sparkles of light shining within. God is trying to show you something. He is doing a mighty work in you. Don't ever underestimate the character building that is happening in the midst of the battle to get out. You are called to something big. Even if you haven't prayed for it, God has a plan for you. You are not alone in the fog. He is there to take your hand and lead you...and even pull you like He is me at times. Don't panic! It will soon be over and you will see what's at the end of the cloud. But you have to fight to get there. If you just stand still, then you will be standing in the mist of confusion and not see what your life is truly meant to be. Are you willing to stand there and take that chance? I know I'm not!
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 (NIV)
I have been in a cloud for some time now. Not a cloud of confusion as much as feeling like I'm walking around not being able to see through to the victory of what's at the clearing at the end. I'm not confused in it because I know that God is leading me through. Even if I'm blinded in some of the areas within it, I know that there is something God is doing within me. There are some days I walk in it with boldness and some days I have a tendency to hold back and God has to pull me. And when I say pull me, I mean pull hard.
Since my youngest son has been gone, it's been the most difficult journey in the fog so far in my life. My husband pointed out to me last night just how much it affects me. I'm always so excited to get to see him, but just as heartbroken when I have to leave him once again. I know that God keeps telling me that my son is not ready to come home yet and to have hope in what God is doing in his life even if I don't see the results just yet. But my Mother's heart wants to scream!
Which brings me back to my journal time this morning. I was asking God specifics about moving forward and He showed me that I'm not through the cloud yet. That there is more to endure and conquer within it. So immediately I started crying. I was pleading and asking God to give me a breather. I don't know what else my heart can take. But I have to believe that God knows what I can handle. And I know that with every battle, I've become stronger as a Christian and as a woman in a crazy world. God is preparing me for the place in my life that I have prayed so hard for. I cannot reach millions if I'm not strong and prepared in ALL areas. I can't be prepared in just a few or I will fall apart. Oh sure it might be okay for awhile, but God knows every aspect of my heart that needs work. And if I go out before Him thinking I am ready, I will not do everything I've wanted to do. At midstream I might have to stop and finish the work on my heart that God knew needed done all along.
This is what God spoke to me this morning about being in the cloud. "You have helped change and touched so many lives even when your light is dim. Look how many lives you will touch once you make it out of this cloud and your light is shining in full brightness."
So this is what I'm holding on to. I know some of you reading this may be going through a cloud of your own and wondering when it will ever end. But it will end. Don't look at the darkness of the cloud, look at the sparkles of light shining within. God is trying to show you something. He is doing a mighty work in you. Don't ever underestimate the character building that is happening in the midst of the battle to get out. You are called to something big. Even if you haven't prayed for it, God has a plan for you. You are not alone in the fog. He is there to take your hand and lead you...and even pull you like He is me at times. Don't panic! It will soon be over and you will see what's at the end of the cloud. But you have to fight to get there. If you just stand still, then you will be standing in the mist of confusion and not see what your life is truly meant to be. Are you willing to stand there and take that chance? I know I'm not!
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 (NIV)
Monday, August 9, 2010
Training Required
I have been praying for God to give me some exciting news lately. I'm unsure of what that news may be but I'm ready for a glimmer of excitement. I've had my share of excitement lately but it's not the kind that I really want to write home about. I can say without a doubt that our house has not been without a dull moment for a few months now. And as the dust has settled I'm wondering what could possibly be next.
I feel like I'm in a marathon and I've just finished. I am at a place to catch my breath but at any moment God could shoot the gun off once again for the next leg of the race to start. I can feel it building as I write. But I'm really praying for God to let this next leg of the race to be one of laughter and a sense of belonging somewhere. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone reading right now, but I've felt like I'm all over the place but not really any "certain" place. It's a known fact that women need to "nest". They need a place that is a sanctuary and a place to call home. But I haven't felt like that's where I'm at. I feel like God is going to move us into a different house, which I am perfectly fine with. I am ready to "downsize" our finances. I don't want our lives to revolve around a house payment. But it feels like it's more than that. I hear that God is wanting us to get back to the basics. And I'm unsure of what that all means. But I do know that if He is telling us to do that, He will provide the rest of the details.
As my husband and I were praying this morning, I saw the 2 of us standing in quicksand and we have been standing there for so long looking for a stick to grab a hold of or someone to come along and help us out. But then I saw God's mighty hand reaching out for us and all we had to do was put our hands in the air for Him to pull us out. I think sometimes in life we look to people and things to make us feel "settled" or happy but those things can never fully make us satisfied. We need to stop looking around and look straight up. I know that in my most unsettled place in life that I can pray, journal or read and find the answers. The answers may not come to pass in the form of help right away because God needs to build our character within it. And I know that is exactly the place I am right now.
God doesn't want me to "nest". He wants me to stay a little uncomfortable so I don't stand where I am at for too long. Because if that happens I become stagnant and move into a space that is too hard to move out of. I've been there before in my life and I know I don't want to go back there ever again. So I'm willing to be right where I'm at today....waiting for the gun to go off to sprint for the next call of duty....whatever that may be. But in the meantime I am going to do the training required to do it properly. And for me right now, it's studying and writing. What is it for you?
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies[a]? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7 (NIV)
I feel like I'm in a marathon and I've just finished. I am at a place to catch my breath but at any moment God could shoot the gun off once again for the next leg of the race to start. I can feel it building as I write. But I'm really praying for God to let this next leg of the race to be one of laughter and a sense of belonging somewhere. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone reading right now, but I've felt like I'm all over the place but not really any "certain" place. It's a known fact that women need to "nest". They need a place that is a sanctuary and a place to call home. But I haven't felt like that's where I'm at. I feel like God is going to move us into a different house, which I am perfectly fine with. I am ready to "downsize" our finances. I don't want our lives to revolve around a house payment. But it feels like it's more than that. I hear that God is wanting us to get back to the basics. And I'm unsure of what that all means. But I do know that if He is telling us to do that, He will provide the rest of the details.
As my husband and I were praying this morning, I saw the 2 of us standing in quicksand and we have been standing there for so long looking for a stick to grab a hold of or someone to come along and help us out. But then I saw God's mighty hand reaching out for us and all we had to do was put our hands in the air for Him to pull us out. I think sometimes in life we look to people and things to make us feel "settled" or happy but those things can never fully make us satisfied. We need to stop looking around and look straight up. I know that in my most unsettled place in life that I can pray, journal or read and find the answers. The answers may not come to pass in the form of help right away because God needs to build our character within it. And I know that is exactly the place I am right now.
God doesn't want me to "nest". He wants me to stay a little uncomfortable so I don't stand where I am at for too long. Because if that happens I become stagnant and move into a space that is too hard to move out of. I've been there before in my life and I know I don't want to go back there ever again. So I'm willing to be right where I'm at today....waiting for the gun to go off to sprint for the next call of duty....whatever that may be. But in the meantime I am going to do the training required to do it properly. And for me right now, it's studying and writing. What is it for you?
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies[a]? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7 (NIV)
Friday, August 6, 2010
Ready to Move and Groove for God!
I sit and wait. I say that I am excited about this new season that God is bringing. The problem is that I thought I knew what it was and once again I may be totally off base. Sometimes we feel a passion stirring within us and we just know that God is finally ready to use it. I was worshiping at church last weekend and I heard the words "I'm sending you" so I got instantly excited! Because I know that God calls us but we have to wait till we are ready to be "sent". Sent could mean a variety of different things. It could mean a variety of different ministries. So once again I sit and wait.
I've talked to someone recently and explained to her that I didn't really know if she needed college behind her. She has such a huge testimony and God can use her to help others regardless of spending a lot of money on college and being away from her kids. Her children are her most important ministry right now. But I look at where I sit right now and it makes me wonder why I didn't have more goals in high school. I just wanted to get out of the house and do my own thing. I was very selfish in my attempt to numb out and get away from my Dad. I know that it is never too late to go back to college and get a degree but what would it be in? I don't know that what my goals to save lives for God can be learned in a textbook. I can tell I'm battling once again for my life and to not be discouraged right now.
I had a friend of mine send me a text message last night and said to rest because I need it for the next plan God has for me. I wanted to scream "Are you kidding me???" I've been resting! I stepped away from most of what I was doing at the church to help with Grandchildren and now that they are settled back in with their Mom I'm ready to move and groove.
But I hear once again to "rest and prepare". But wouldn't it be easier to prepare if I knew what to prepare for? I bet you can't tell I'm being cynical. I find myself holding back. I don't want to push for anything that isn't mine to push for. I don't want to stand in the way of anyone else being in a position that I'm praying so hard for. I want God's perfect will for my life and for those around me. So that brings me back to where I was in the beginning of this blog.....so I sit and wait!
So as I sit and wait I will continue to dream big! I don't know if I will be praying or focusing on any certain area ~ only to be used to reach millions once again. It doesn't matter who or what ministry. Millions are millions! And God knows which group of people that is. I can only speculate and we all know speculation is not truth and it can get our minds in a place that is unhealthy and leads to disappointment. So I will stick with God's truth which is that He loves me and will never leave me. He will do the same for you. What will we do in the stillness as we sit and wait????
"Take a good look at my trouble, and help me—
I haven't forgotten your revelation.
Take my side and get me out of this;
give me back my life, just as you promised.
"Salvation" is only gibberish to the wicked
because they've never looked it up in your dictionary.
Your mercies, God, run into the billions;
following your guidelines, revive me.
My antagonists are too many to count,
but I don't swerve from the directions you gave.
I took one look at the quitters and was filled with loathing;
they walked away from your promises so casually!
Take note of how I love what you tell me;
out of your life of love, prolong my life.
Your words all add up to the sum total: Truth.
Your righteous decisions are eternal."
Psalms 119:153-160 (The Message)
I've talked to someone recently and explained to her that I didn't really know if she needed college behind her. She has such a huge testimony and God can use her to help others regardless of spending a lot of money on college and being away from her kids. Her children are her most important ministry right now. But I look at where I sit right now and it makes me wonder why I didn't have more goals in high school. I just wanted to get out of the house and do my own thing. I was very selfish in my attempt to numb out and get away from my Dad. I know that it is never too late to go back to college and get a degree but what would it be in? I don't know that what my goals to save lives for God can be learned in a textbook. I can tell I'm battling once again for my life and to not be discouraged right now.
I had a friend of mine send me a text message last night and said to rest because I need it for the next plan God has for me. I wanted to scream "Are you kidding me???" I've been resting! I stepped away from most of what I was doing at the church to help with Grandchildren and now that they are settled back in with their Mom I'm ready to move and groove.
But I hear once again to "rest and prepare". But wouldn't it be easier to prepare if I knew what to prepare for? I bet you can't tell I'm being cynical. I find myself holding back. I don't want to push for anything that isn't mine to push for. I don't want to stand in the way of anyone else being in a position that I'm praying so hard for. I want God's perfect will for my life and for those around me. So that brings me back to where I was in the beginning of this blog.....so I sit and wait!
So as I sit and wait I will continue to dream big! I don't know if I will be praying or focusing on any certain area ~ only to be used to reach millions once again. It doesn't matter who or what ministry. Millions are millions! And God knows which group of people that is. I can only speculate and we all know speculation is not truth and it can get our minds in a place that is unhealthy and leads to disappointment. So I will stick with God's truth which is that He loves me and will never leave me. He will do the same for you. What will we do in the stillness as we sit and wait????
"Take a good look at my trouble, and help me—
I haven't forgotten your revelation.
Take my side and get me out of this;
give me back my life, just as you promised.
"Salvation" is only gibberish to the wicked
because they've never looked it up in your dictionary.
Your mercies, God, run into the billions;
following your guidelines, revive me.
My antagonists are too many to count,
but I don't swerve from the directions you gave.
I took one look at the quitters and was filled with loathing;
they walked away from your promises so casually!
Take note of how I love what you tell me;
out of your life of love, prolong my life.
Your words all add up to the sum total: Truth.
Your righteous decisions are eternal."
Psalms 119:153-160 (The Message)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Rejection = Protection
Hope is defined as "to cherish a desire with anticipation" and a dream is defined as "a strongly desired goal or purpose". We talk so many times about our hope and our dreams and it came to me that I've had one in general and I'm anxious about putting a specific title to it. Let me explain. At one time not so long ago I was talking to someone and we discussed me doing something specific in ministry. I got very excited and started praying about it and even started studying and researching ideas for it. And then when it came time to God allowing me to do it, I was told that it wasn't the right time. I do understand God's timing. He has shown me over and over again the purpose of not getting something too soon. But I have to be honest, I was completely bummed to say the least. I felt like I had built myself up for something big I had been praying for and it was quickly taken away. But what happened shortly after was that 4 Grandchildren moved in to our house and they needed my attention more than anything or anyone else. They were my priority and ministry at that time.
Now that they are back with their Mom and trying to get settled in, I am once again looking to this next season. I pray to be used on a large scale for God and for His glory and purpose but I find myself holding back. I told Him the other day I don't want to be rejected. I have felt rejected a good share of my life and I don't know if my heart can take that right now. So instead of putting myself out there, I am just allowing myself to be okay with whatever is put in front of me. But God spoke to me and He said "Lori every time you feel rejection, I want you to think of the word "protection". Rejection = Protection. It's not rejection, it's me protecting you." Which made perfect sense. But it didn't help my heart to feel less anxious at the time.
I go back to the definitions of hope and dreams. A dream, or a strong desired goal is nothing without hope. We need to anticipate that dream. Believe that it will come to be. I didn't put these desires in my heart. God did and if He put them in me, there is a reason for it.
God is asking us all to step out in boldness. We might not always succeed in everything we try but it's better to lose at trying than not try at all. Think of all the failures famous people have had before they found the one thing that gave them their first break. I don't want to be famous in everyone else's eyes. I just want to be famous in my Heavenly Father's eyes. I know He will love me regardless of what little or big things I do, but to watch a person's life change in front of my eyes is amazing. I've seen it so many times. To sit back and let God use me to help change a lost soul is better than any spotlight or any amount of money in the world. We all have a tendency to find that "thing" that is going to make us happy. I can tell you without a doubt, it is helping people.
I don't want to be consumed by which direction God will take me in order to do that this time. I am willing to wait patiently in boldness and continue to pray that I will not miss it once it is placed before me. But in the meantime I am willing to dream AND hope and allow God to put ways to continue to prepare me along the way. I hope you can do the same in your own life today. I dare you.....like the Nike commercials say, JUST DO IT!!!!!
"But God told Samuel, "Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 (The Message)
Now that they are back with their Mom and trying to get settled in, I am once again looking to this next season. I pray to be used on a large scale for God and for His glory and purpose but I find myself holding back. I told Him the other day I don't want to be rejected. I have felt rejected a good share of my life and I don't know if my heart can take that right now. So instead of putting myself out there, I am just allowing myself to be okay with whatever is put in front of me. But God spoke to me and He said "Lori every time you feel rejection, I want you to think of the word "protection". Rejection = Protection. It's not rejection, it's me protecting you." Which made perfect sense. But it didn't help my heart to feel less anxious at the time.
I go back to the definitions of hope and dreams. A dream, or a strong desired goal is nothing without hope. We need to anticipate that dream. Believe that it will come to be. I didn't put these desires in my heart. God did and if He put them in me, there is a reason for it.
God is asking us all to step out in boldness. We might not always succeed in everything we try but it's better to lose at trying than not try at all. Think of all the failures famous people have had before they found the one thing that gave them their first break. I don't want to be famous in everyone else's eyes. I just want to be famous in my Heavenly Father's eyes. I know He will love me regardless of what little or big things I do, but to watch a person's life change in front of my eyes is amazing. I've seen it so many times. To sit back and let God use me to help change a lost soul is better than any spotlight or any amount of money in the world. We all have a tendency to find that "thing" that is going to make us happy. I can tell you without a doubt, it is helping people.
I don't want to be consumed by which direction God will take me in order to do that this time. I am willing to wait patiently in boldness and continue to pray that I will not miss it once it is placed before me. But in the meantime I am willing to dream AND hope and allow God to put ways to continue to prepare me along the way. I hope you can do the same in your own life today. I dare you.....like the Nike commercials say, JUST DO IT!!!!!
"But God told Samuel, "Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 (The Message)
Monday, August 2, 2010
What's a Little Rain?
I got up this morning and told myself it was going to be a great day. I have to do that more frequently these days. It seems as though I wake up tired and frustrated. I could blame it on a million different things, but reality is that I'm in a battle right now. A battle for this next season God is calling me to. It's funny how we believe in God and what He is about to do in our lives, but why is it so hard to believe that there is an enemy that wants to discourage and defeat us just as much as God wants us to succeed. There have been many days lately that I feel shut down. I've talked about it before. It's a way that I have coped for many years. In all the ways I could choose to cope this is probably the one that seems to cause the least pain and frustration in those around me. I can say that and try to convince myself of that, but it is still a way of coping other than looking to the Word or my God to cope in what's going on around me.
I'm asking God to show me how to guard my heart in the right way. I've been hurt so much in the past that I've guarded my heart in a way that I decide no one should have access. Hence, the shutting down. I know if you have followed my life recently you know that we have had 4 Grandchildren living with us. Their Mom has returned to their lives and we couldn't be more happy for all of them. We are praying for all of their lives to change in the Lord and become a family that is supportive and loving. I can say with certainty that I am happy for them, but at the same time I feel like my heart has been shredded. I poured my heart and soul into these children for a couple of months. It wasn't easy when they first came to live with us because it was so sudden but once I allowed my heart to open up freely I was in their lives in a way that was great for all of us. And suddenly they are out of my life and I don't know what to do about my heart. Now I realize that they are not completely out of the picture. They still live in the same town and I can see them whenever I want, but it's hard to watch their little attitudes change back to where they were before they came to live with us.
I don't expect everyone to change all at once, including their Mom. They have had years of acting and reacting in certain ways and it takes some time to change a cycle that everyone is used to. But oh how it hurts to watch. You want so much for everyone to get it and live life happy, but it's not my timing ~ it's God's.
So I sit back and watch those closest to me struggling and hurting. I'm still waiting on my youngest son to return home and after 7 months away, I'm still looking at possibly 5 more. He is doing great don't get me wrong, but my heart misses him so much.
In the midst of everything around me, God has and is doing something in me. I do have a dream. I have a hope in doing something huge. In fact God spoke specific words to me this morning. And the enemy would love to come along and make me think that I am unworthy or uneducated to do what God is calling me to. That's the discouragement I'm talking about first thing in the morning. So before I even step foot onto the floor when getting out of bed, I tell myself "It's going to be a great day Lori". On the days I forget to do that, the day turns out just as I wake up. Frustrated, tired and full of hopelessness. So first thing in the morning is my choice for the day. Is it going to be one of joy and newness or is it going to be one I waste away due to my own negativity? Today I chose joy and to be in warrior mode.
In my quiet time God spoke to me and said "It's time to stand up and stand strong for me and for those I call you to help." And that's exactly what I'm going to do. What about you? Don't let the enemy take that choice away from you today or any other day. It's going to be a great day my beautiful friend! Believe it and even if you can't believe, say it enough times till you can at least consider it.
"Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like." James 1:22-24 (The Message)
What's a little rain? Bring me joy....Bring me peace!
I'm asking God to show me how to guard my heart in the right way. I've been hurt so much in the past that I've guarded my heart in a way that I decide no one should have access. Hence, the shutting down. I know if you have followed my life recently you know that we have had 4 Grandchildren living with us. Their Mom has returned to their lives and we couldn't be more happy for all of them. We are praying for all of their lives to change in the Lord and become a family that is supportive and loving. I can say with certainty that I am happy for them, but at the same time I feel like my heart has been shredded. I poured my heart and soul into these children for a couple of months. It wasn't easy when they first came to live with us because it was so sudden but once I allowed my heart to open up freely I was in their lives in a way that was great for all of us. And suddenly they are out of my life and I don't know what to do about my heart. Now I realize that they are not completely out of the picture. They still live in the same town and I can see them whenever I want, but it's hard to watch their little attitudes change back to where they were before they came to live with us.
I don't expect everyone to change all at once, including their Mom. They have had years of acting and reacting in certain ways and it takes some time to change a cycle that everyone is used to. But oh how it hurts to watch. You want so much for everyone to get it and live life happy, but it's not my timing ~ it's God's.
So I sit back and watch those closest to me struggling and hurting. I'm still waiting on my youngest son to return home and after 7 months away, I'm still looking at possibly 5 more. He is doing great don't get me wrong, but my heart misses him so much.
In the midst of everything around me, God has and is doing something in me. I do have a dream. I have a hope in doing something huge. In fact God spoke specific words to me this morning. And the enemy would love to come along and make me think that I am unworthy or uneducated to do what God is calling me to. That's the discouragement I'm talking about first thing in the morning. So before I even step foot onto the floor when getting out of bed, I tell myself "It's going to be a great day Lori". On the days I forget to do that, the day turns out just as I wake up. Frustrated, tired and full of hopelessness. So first thing in the morning is my choice for the day. Is it going to be one of joy and newness or is it going to be one I waste away due to my own negativity? Today I chose joy and to be in warrior mode.
In my quiet time God spoke to me and said "It's time to stand up and stand strong for me and for those I call you to help." And that's exactly what I'm going to do. What about you? Don't let the enemy take that choice away from you today or any other day. It's going to be a great day my beautiful friend! Believe it and even if you can't believe, say it enough times till you can at least consider it.
"Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like." James 1:22-24 (The Message)
What's a little rain? Bring me joy....Bring me peace!
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