Have you ever thought that you had a purpose in life so much that you have had visions and thoughts about just exactly how it was all going to turn out? Our Pastor brought that to mind in his message this past weekend. And it really hit me hard. I have been praying to reach millions for a very long time. I want to change hearts and lives not just in my hometown but in cities surrounding the globe. I had a vision of what that would look like and it included women. I've mentored women for some time now. I love and enjoy it. But I got to the point in my life where I just prayed for God to send me women that need a "friend". I want to not just mentor but be a great friend to come along side someone hurting.
I've went through some difficult times recently. And I felt completely alone. It wasn't that I was alone but it's just hard for anyone to understand what I was going through. Not by any fault of the people closest to me, but it's just hard for any of us to understand someone else's heart. I've prayed and prayed about what is going on with me. Why is everything hitting all at once?
First of all, God reminded me of the prayers that I have lifted up to Him regarding our family. He told me "You're the one on your knees every morning for your family." And He is right. I think we just have a vision of how clean-cut and effortless we want our prayers answered. I've also told God that I would take the suffering for our family. I know that I can walk it out. I've done it many times before. But once again He showed me why He is doing what He is doing. I can cry for my children and lift them up, but it's the suffering I endured that got me to where I am today. If it wasn't for me seeking Him in all of it and pushing onward, I would still be back in my old life. That's exactly what He wants for them as well.
I've had a sense of "family". You hear some parents talk about how awesome their children are. They talk about the grades they receive in school, the athletic abilities they possess, the college they attend or the next ministry they are involved in. And I would listen happy for them but comparing my own family and felt hopeless. How was I going to help my children to attain all of that and why hadn't I changed my life sooner so that my kids wouldn't be going through this pain and suffering now?
I heard a young man talking on the radio the other day and he said he had been raised in a Christian home, learning scripture daily and grew up in the church with a great family. He said that he turned to drugs and alcohol while serving in the Army and got kicked out just a few months shy of being discharged. And God spoke to my heart. He said "See it's not you. You didn't fail. It can happen to any child anywhere regardless of the best intentions of parents."
So I have to change my view of what family is. I don't need children that are excelling in every direction. I just want my children to excel in finding who they are and facing their difficulties in the right way. I want my children to grow up to be adults with a purpose! I don't want them to be self-consumed, I want them to be God-consumed and to make a difference for the Kingdom. I'm not going to push them to find their place, because what God showed me is that we do not really know our place until He is ready to send us there. We can have preconceived ideas of what that is supposed to be and then He shows us why we went through the trials we went through.
That's exactly what has happened to me. I thought I was going to change the world one woman at a time and then God has shown me ~ it's not the adults I'm to reach....it's the youth! We need to help the hearts and lives of our young people so they don't need to work so hard once they are adults. He needs them now and they are here for such a time as this.
I've felt like I've been surrounded by so much drama lately. And God showed me through a friend yesterday....He's building my endurance for youth. I mean come on, who has more drama surrounding them than our young people. If you question that, just spend a day on Facebook.
I can say I know this is from God because I would have never seen myself working with youth. It's a bit scary but at the same time I am excited more than I've ever been excited in my life. He's giving me scripture and direction to help me reach the goal He has shown me. Once we really figure out the call~He puts it all together. It's been there all along. I've just been looking in the wrong direction.
"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back." Philippians3:2-4 (The Message)
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