Find the Joy in Your "Nows"

I put on my status this morning that I am living on faith. To say that is an understatement. I told God this past weekend that I can not take "one more thing". I know that God is answering my prayers and maybe not in the way I would like, but He is answering them all the same. Sometimes I wonder if it's all a test to see if I will stand by God in the midst of all of these trials. And I'm sure that maybe a little of it is but most of it is just His design for my life and my families' lives.
I have to be honest....there have been times I've wondered what it would be like to go back to my old life. A life of no expectations. A life of fun. And then I remembered, this was not a life of fun. It was a life of lack of freedom. A life of selfishness in which no one mattered but myself. I was going down a road of destruction. I can look at some people that seem to have all the money in the world and seem to have it all together but I don't know what they go through each and every day. I've had a life of endless money and believe me it wasn't all it was cut out to be. Because that's what ruled our world. The money. Everything revolved around how much money we had or could make.
And now God has taken my husband and I to a place that money needs to be the last priority on our list. I don't think I've ever been this broke before in my life. I can remember a time when I was a single Mom and lived in an apartment that needed to be condemned. My youngest son and I stayed there and it should have seemed hopeless but it didn't. We enjoyed our time together. I enjoyed my time with God. That's where I found God....in the midst of my quiet time when I needed to seek Him and cry out to Him because I had nothing else. And it seems as though I've been taken full circle and here I am again. I can't imagine why. But I think about how we all get to a place where we worry about when the money will start rolling in so we can enjoy life. We always have the "whens" in our life. Like "when" I get a better job I will be happy or "when" I have a great guy in my life I will be happy. God wants us to know that the "whens" take away from the "nows". I have been given a blessing of taking care of beautiful children. To be honest it feels like a redemption of not feeling like a good Mom to my own sons. I look at how I am with these kids and realize I wasn't as bad as I thought. Yes I wasn't there for them in the way they needed for sure, but before I got so depressed and numbed out, I was a pretty darn good Mom. Their Dad was always busy trying to make more money so the boys and I spent all our time together. When I traveled to see family, I traveled alone with them. We always went to the movies together. And I was there for them. This may not be what they remember because divorce is an ugly thing. They may only remember what was told to them even when a good sum of them were lies. But someday they will know the truth. They will know how much I love them and how much I've always loved them.
You see, nothing is hopeless. Not our situation today. Not any situation down the road. God always gives us a second chance. And sometimes even a few awakening calls as I'm going through now. I need to stay focused on what's important in life and it's definitely not money. It's the love a child as they hug your neck or give you a big kiss. Or maybe just a smile or help from a great friend. It's not the "things"....it's the "needs" God has put before us. Which #1 is Him and then family and friends. No amount of money in the world can buy that. I'll take love over things any day! I hope you find the joy in your "nows" today!

"Listen with respect to the father who raised you,
and when your mother grows old, don't neglect her.
Buy truth—don't sell it for love or money;
buy wisdom, buy education, buy insight.
Parents rejoice when their children turn out well;
wise children become proud parents.
So make your father happy!
Make your mother proud!"

Proverbs 23:22-25 (The Message)