I looked up the word "strength" today. I looked it up because I needed something to grasp on to. I needed more than just saying every morning "God please give me the strength to get through this day." The definition that caught my eye was "The power to resist attack; impregnability." And then I thought what does "impregnability" have to do with it. So I searched that word as well and it is defined as "invulnerability: having the strength to withstand attack".
When you look at all of this within the world it just means to get tough or something I've heard from a friend quite a bit "Suck it up buttercup". Which in turn, we take as numbing out or stuffing it down. I had a moment of weakness this morning when I completely shut down. My husband was trying to talk to me and I just stared off into space. I didn't feel very strong at that moment even when my prayer in the shower was the exact opposite.
I am very thankful that I have a husband that will pray for me when he sees I'm struggling. Even if I'm being stubborn and say I'm fine. We live life each day and try to take on the world on our own. What we need to realize is that we were never intended to take on the world by ourselves. We have a Father that loves us and wants to help us through any trial. He will equip as long as we are open to what He has to say. I know some people really don't understand how they can actually hear God or what I'm even talking about. But the great thing about it is that you don't have to do anything except have an open mind and a willing heart. God will meet you right where you are at.
When we've struggled on our own and decide to take the steps to live life according to how God calls us to live, He will start opening doors once we start shutting the ones that has lead us to the darkness. When we choose to change our lives, God will take care of us emotionally, mentally and financially. Bills will be taken care of in a way we never thought was possible. We are able to withstand any storm that comes our way. Will we still have challenges? Absolutely! But I am thankful that God loves me enough to take me to a new level and new rewards and the only way to get to them is by pushing through each struggle the appropriate way and it's not by shutting down which I did so well this morning.
I have spent so much of my life shutting down that it seems so normal that sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it until someone calls me out on it. I know myself well enough to know that when I start reverting to my old coping patterns, it's time to take a look at my quiet time. It's not the quantity but the quality that matters. We think we need to sit and pray for hours to actually do it right. But God will take whatever time we can give Him. He knows our schedules and how busy they are. Sometimes just a quick cry out for help is all we need for that day. Or maybe a quick devotion. Since my life has changed and my schedule is busier than ever, that's what I need to be okay with. I think I am such a perfectionist that I tend to try and be an overachiever in everything I do which means my relationship with God. Then I get down on myself and feel like I'm failing. I'm not failing. I may not get on my knees for hours daily but I do talk to God all day long. He knows my heart and I'm not afraid to scream and say "What in the world are you doing?" He already knows I'm frustrated. It's not like I can hide it from Him. And once I scream it out, I feel much better. I don't want to stuff anymore down because I know that it will only turn to anger or bitterness and I need all the peace I can have in my life right now.
I pray that you will choose some sort of quiet time today and know that you are not failing. If you don't know where to start, just cry out and ask God to put someone in your life that will help you. You were never intended to carry any burden alone and God will send awesome people in your path to help you. The enemy loves your isolation. He can lie and lie to you until you actually believe the lies to be the truth. Seek out the real truth and the love of God and other people. You are beautiful and made for a purpose. You were not a mistake. You are the exact opposite - Life giving for yourself and for others.....an overcomer!!!!! God doesn't call the equipped - He equips the called. And that is YOU and ME.
“The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”- Psalm 121:7-8
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