New Journey!

It has been a rough couple of days. I don't think I realized how rough it was until the adrenaline slowed down. My son was bit by a dog recently. I had dropped him off at the school and 50 miles down the road I got a phone call from the school. She said to pull over on the side of the road for a minute. I was trying to figure out if my son had gotten in trouble so soon after arriving back at the school. But her words were..."Your son is okay. But he is on his way to the emergency room. He was bit by a dog in the face." I just sat there. I had just left him and he was more than fine. So I turned the vehicle back around and drove as fast as I could to the hospital. All the way there I was praying for him and kept saying "Please God, not the eyes. Let it just be a superficial wound." And then I was asking God the whys. Because I believe that everything happens for a reason so my instant thought was what was the lesson behind it. And I never really heard anything on that particular question for God.
I arrived at the emergency room and was greeted by 2 of my son's friends from the school. They were reassuring that it wasn't "that bad" and it looked much worse at the school. But that my son had looked at himself in the mirror and passed out. So I'm still wondering what I was going to see once I was face to face with my son. I made it to his room and of course his mouth was covered. His dad had called and asked if he needed to come and at that point I didn't know anything of specifics. I said I would be fine dealing with it. While I was on the phone I told his dad I hadn't even seen his mouth yet that it was covered and about that time my son removed his bandage and it just blurted out of my mouth "It is bad....really bad." And the next word I heard was "surgery". I had to sit down immediately. Now I can handle blood and anything gory, but there's something about seeing it on one of my sons that makes me queezy.
I sat in the waiting room for over an hour waiting for the surgeon to come out. I spent alot of that time talking to God. Still wondering the purpose. Still asking what God was doing in all of this. My son was very strong the whole time but once he saw me, he got tears in his eyes. I asked him if it was scary and he nodded several times. I know God was there because it could have been so much worse. After all, it wasn't even close to the eyes.
My son's surgery went fine and he will heal nicely with minimal scarring. Thank God for a great surgeon on staff at the hospital. But I didn't realize the purpose until the next day. More things happened in my life. I choose to not go into specifics, but let's just say some things were brought into the light and exposed at a whole new level.
I'm working on myself in the midst of all of it. I was journaling first thing this morning and once again God said to let the right people in to help me through all of it and that He would protect me from the people that will just be a distraction. He spoke specifically about people in my life. And I just broke down. I told God to change my heart. I want to be loved for me and to be worthy of love and not because of "works". Not what I can do for other people first. And I asked him why I feel such a drive to make sure I'm doing the right thing all the time and He said start blogging this journey and I will show you. So here I am once again. Going through a new journey taking a walk through the darkness to carry anything I'm holding into the light. And once again you are here with me in this journey. Thanks for riding along.

"By day you led them with a pillar of cloud, and by night with a pillar of fire to give them light on the way they were to take." Nehemiah 9:12 (NIV)