I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. And I think to myself does He really think I can handle this? But I think of what other people are dealing with in the world and I have nothing to complain about. I think how some parents have lost their children and will never see them again. At least I know where all 3 of my sons are at even if they are at a difficult place. But I also need to remember that the place they are at is a healing place. I know that God answers a Mother's Prayer. And I've been praying for them for years.
I am a crossroad in my walk. I see the vision ahead of me and I also know that it is a fight to get to it. I know the enemy would love to steer me in a way that I would just give up. I've done that so well in the past. And it is no longer the past. It is a new life with new beginnings. I've walked through the healing that I needed to and it's time to live....really live. And every once in awhile the enemy places people in front of me to make me try and relive who I used to be. I was confronted with that yesterday. And I know God was with me because I calmly explained to that person the truth and didn't revert to my anger and weeping and crying. Once I left after hearing everything this person wanted to attack me with, I had a surge of emotions. This is the second time this week I've had to hear someone trying to drag me down with their mouth and walk away smiling. Don't get me wrong....I'm not a saint. A few days ago I wanted to scream and pounce a particular person but my new soul wouldn't allow it. I was able to look at them, pray and walk off. Just like yesterday.
So I say the enemy is trying hard to get me to quit. But there are times when God allows the enemy to mess with us. It's so that we build character and strength. I am hoping that every time I can walk away and not lose my cool I will step up to another wrung on the ladder. A ladder to true happiness and success where it doesn't matter what situation surrounds me that I will make it out on top.
This morning I woke up thinking I am not stepping foot outside this house! I don't want to give anyone an opportunity to confront me. But deep down I know if that were to happen, I would be okay. I can face it just like I explained before because God allows me to. He takes over my heart and actions when I need Him to. But I also have to allow Him to.
I can't allow the enemy to take those moments and stir up old thoughts like "I'm a failure and what's the point of even trying." It started to yesterday. I was thinking how hard I had worked on changing and I was not able to walk out in victory yet. But you see.....victory to me means having my family back. So in order to walk in that, I need for my children to heal. So I need to be open to what my role is in their healing. And I know the next step is their being able to confront me in what they feel like they missed out on in their childhood. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be so worth it! The day all 3 of my sons can look at me and let me have it, is the day their true healing begins. And I can't wait!
"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 (New Living Translation)
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