I was taking a shower this morning and was feeling down. I know it's because I keep looking at my body and seeing something I just don't want to look at anymore. And then I thought about how long I have felt this way. How long the enemy has stolen my joy and happiness in life. Even when I was younger, I hated my body. I was ashamed of it and covered it up as much as possible. And I think - geez to have that young body again. But my entire adult life I've said that same thing regardless of my age. When I had a toned younger body I still thought I was ugly and disgusting. So I work harder and harder to obtain what I think needs to be perfect.
I have not worn a swimming suit. And if I do wear a swimming suit, I wear something over it and take it off right before I get into the water and then hurry to put it back on when I get out. I wear shorts that go past my knees so that people cannot see the crevices of cellulite. I won't wear sleeveless tops because I hate the skin that hangs down. Hey I'm just being honest. Which is a little hard to be especially since I have friends that I know will read this and I'm exposing my inner thoughts.
But let me tell you what I did when I got out of the shower this morning. I did something new and different. Instead of being disgusted with myself....I started yelling at satan. And yes I was home alone. But I was screaming at him for robbing me of the joy of my entire life. I told him that he no longer had control over my thoughts about my body. I was beautiful and I am going to be even more beautiful when I let God fill me up with the joy that was stolen so long ago. I told satan that I was going to have the body that he took from me and I was going to be better than ever.
It was so liberating to be yelling at and taking the frustration out on the right person. For years I had taken it out on myself. Wondering why I just couldn't get it together enough to dress like so and so or be able to be as pretty as so and so. I got a new haircut and I am still trying to figure out myself in it. I've always hidden behind my hair. The longer and fuller the better. You know the 80's hair. And I was a 80's girl so why couldn't I continue with the big hair? But I'm not so sure I can do that with this haircut and God is telling me that I need to show my face.
So I guess in order to find my true beauty I need to not only let go of my body to God and allow Him to sculpt and mold it the way He intended but to sculpt and mold my thoughts about who I am and how I think I should look. I need to stop comparing myself to everyone else because I was beautifully and wonderfully made in His image. How would someone that created me go wrong? I'm the one that has helped the enemy to make it go the wrong direction and I've decided to take it all back and replace it with something even better.
I think I've shared this video before but I felt it was a reminder for me today as well as for you too. Click
No comments:
Post a Comment