Today is a much better day. Yesterday was a whirlwind of emotions to say the least. I hid in the house with the fear of not going off on anyone. And then I think why do I need to act like everything is okay and try to hold it together once again. It's okay if I'm having a really bad day and want to give up on everything in my life. I tried handling it alone and it got me absolutely no where. In fact it made it worse. I tried to reach out a few times but then stopped myself. What if they decide I don't have it together enough and stop what God is doing with me right now? What if they don't see me as the strong woman they have portrayed me as? What if?????? Good grief just writing it makes me want to throw up!
Why do we do this to ourselves? I thought I had gotten past the "appearance" part of myself. But you work so hard at healing and decide it should be done and over with. Isn't that what we sometimes hear? Why aren't you over this already? Ummmmm maybe because everyone tells me I should be so I just stuff it down to try and not offend anyone around me. Why do we have to be a society of stuffing down and acting like everything is perfectly fine when it is far from it? Have we noticed the media lately. All the celebrities that are no longer able to keep it together. And it's not just celebrities...it's in politics and even with friends all around us.
I say it's time to allow the light to be shown where it needs to shine and let's face what's really hurting us deep inside. Haven't we lived a life of heartache long enough? Haven't we faked it long enough? It's time to be real and be consistent. Not consistently sick but consistently seeking and well!
I had a devotion yesterday about just letting go and having fun. There is that word again. FUN!!!! What is that? And furthermore how do I find it in this small town I live in? So that's my prayer today...for God to show me what fun is. How to have it without spending money and starting a trend in this small town of ours showing others how to find this fun here and not needing to go to a big city. Sometimes I think in small towns, fun tends to be the bar scene. And I know that all too well. But there has to be something else! God didn't place me here to wallow in boredom. It's here. I just need to find it. Anyone want to take the journey with me and find it as well?
Let's start a new trend of Fun and Laughter "God Style"!!!!!
"Now that we are set right with God by means of this sacrificial death, the consummate blood sacrifice, there is no longer a question of being at odds with God in any way. If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we're at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!" Romans 5:9-11 (The Message)
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