New Journey

I have come to the conclusion today that I'm starting a new journey of healing. I've came through so much and had many breakthroughs in my life but realizing there is still a root that is hanging inside. And it didn't come forward until I met a beautiful woman a week ago.
I looked into her sad eyes and I wanted to grab her face with my hands and look deep into her eyes and say "You are worth fighting for". I don't think she needed to hear that so much today but I think there was a time in her life that she did need to hear that. I know she has been through alot of the same experiences that I have. And it breaks my heart. I've been praying for her and to have a miraculous healing in her body.
But something happened to me last night. We went to a conference at our church and I felt a sadness. I wanted to cry and I wasn't sure why. I came home and felt an uneasiness. I finally got up at midnight and took a hot bath. I soaked in the water just to relax. I went back to bed and slept well after that but woke up teary eyed again. I woke up crying. What is that about? Who does that? Mornings are supposed to be full of excitement for the day.
There have been so many different and new ventures in front of me and I've been so excited about all of it. One of them is a fitness class that I feel is "Fitness for the Soul". God has asked me to step out and do something that no one has seen before. So I've stepped out in faith in all of it and have not been sorry for doing so. God is showing up in a big way with it. And I love that. But with ventures that people don't understand and are uncertain about they have doubts. And believe me I can understand that. I don't hold that against anyone but this is what it brought forward for me from within.
I saw myself as the woman I talked about earlier and God taking my face in His hands and saying "Lori - you are worth fighting for". I think I have lived so long trying to be independent feeling like I needed to be my biggest and only cheerleader or I wouldn't survive. And yes there has been so many people in my life that never showed me I was worth fighting for but now I have the biggest, baddest King fighting my battles for me. It does break my heart that those closest to me don't seem to cheer me on and haven't protected me when I needed it, but I know I need to move on from it and find myself once again. I need to feel in my heart and know that I am worth fighting for. And I know that this part of my journey is letting God show me how I accept the warriors He puts in my life without pushing them away so that I won't get hurt. I can't continue to protect myself any longer and know that people are just people. Just like me. I never intend to hurt anyone but I know that I'm not perfect and it could happen and has happened.
So be praying with me for my heart to be changed in this area now. And if you are struggling with the very same thing....pull your pants up and take the ride with me. It's going to be quite a ride.

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12