New Beginnings

Yesterday was a day of refreshment and answered prayers. We went to see my youngest son. I was so excited to see him. I couldn't wait to give him a big hug and the best part was that it was a complete surprise to him. He had no idea we were coming.
When we arrived one of the staff hollered at him and said he had something he needed to take care of. He came out of the t.v. room and came face to face with us. I couldn't tell if he was excited, sad or what emotion was even on his face. I tried to give him a hug and he held back.
We took him out so that we could go eat and do some shopping. I tried talking to him and he didn't want to talk. He would just answer as much as he needed to get by. I kept praying asking God to not let this be like the last trip. I needed it to be different. And then I thought about how selfish I was being. This wasn't about me. It was about my son. So I reluctantly said "Father if I need to have my heart crushed again so that my son can heal and get out anything today, then let that happen." I didn't want to leave crying and emotionally drained again. But I also know my son's life is worth anything that I would need to go through. So I kept praying and telling God whatever my son needed that day just let it happen.
We went to Red Lobster and ate. I sat across from my son and kept looking in his eyes. I thought there were many times I was going to need to excuse myself to the bathroom so that I could get a grip on my emotions. I kept fighting back the tears. His eyes were so sad. I kept thinking, How did we get to this place in our lives? Where did we go from having such a happy, energetic son to one that has to be away from us and has to go through such a difficult time? It was breaking my heart.
But once we stepped foot into some stores, my son's eyes lit up. He is my shopper. He loves shopping for clothes and shoes. Now if you know me at all....I am definitely not a shopper. But I had a blast with him yesterday. We laughed and joked throughout the stores. It seemed to open up his enthusiasm. Once he opened up he wouldn't stop talking. He explained what he had been doing while he's been gone. And how he is enjoying working at various places. He works a full day for a soda pop. And he gets excited. This is a boy that used to hate to do anything other than drive around and party. Money was very important to him. He could never get enough of it. Now he loves to just volunteer his time. His special interest is working at a pheasant farm. He's already been offered a job there when he completes his program.
But the one thing he talked about the most was helping the other boys that are in there. He said, "Mom one of the boys in here just lost his older brother. He died while riding his bike. He was 19." This boy could pick a few peers to stay up with him all night and help him deal with this loss he had just endured. And he chose my son. I could tell it really touched his heart. My son then explained he would love to be staff at this private school he is now attending. He wants to help boys that are struggling.
What an answered prayer! I couldn't ask for anything better for my son. His heart is changing. But I can tell all those around him are as well.
I know why he was quiet. He was testing the waters. I had sent him a letter explaining the frustration I had with everything he had been doing. I know he was feeling some shame and guilt and he didn't know where I stood in it. He needed to make sure I genuinely loved him yesterday. That I was going to love him regardless of what he had done. Once again he reassured me he was going to complete the program. In fact he told me something I was expecting to hear. He plans to stay longer than I was anticipating. I had been counting down the months but it seems I may need to add a few more months to the original count.
He has goals now! But not only does he have the goals but he is moving towards them and making plans to achieve them. Thank you God!!!!
Maybe you have felt like you would never be forgiven for things you've done in the past of maybe you are on the opposite end and have had a problem forgiving someone for something they've done. I pray that you will deal with it today. You are not only holding them back but most importantly you are holding yourself back from the blessings that God has in store for you. After releasing my son to God, I'm aware of what He is capable of. If I was still holding on to my son and keeping him from the healing God had planned, we would still be living a lie. A lie of pain and suffering for all of us. God can do the same for you. Find your new beginnings!

"You're all I want in heaven!
You're all I want on earth!
When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,
God is rock-firm and faithful.
Look! Those who left you are falling apart!
Deserters, they'll never be heard from again.
But I'm in the very presence of God—
oh, how refreshing it is!
I've made Lord God my home.
God, I'm telling the world what you do!"

Psalm 73:25-28 (The Message)