Bring Everything In The Light

I have several things going through my mind today. It was brought to my attention on Monday that I needed to bring a few things into the light. I have been struggling with a few issues in my marriage and didn't know how to manage what was going on in my head. And I talked to a friend on Monday and she listened to me and said some amazing words. That sometimes we can just give things to God and He can help us with them but there is a point when we need to seek counsel with someone else. I knew all of that but to hear it that day made me see I was to the point of not being able to handle it on my own because the enemy was having a hay day with my thoughts.
I kept asking myself "What is wrong with me? Why can't I do this right?" I know the right thing to do and how to submit but my heart is not allowing that to happen. So I made a phone call that afternoon to some friends and asked if I could speak to them along with my husband and get everything out in the open. And that's exactly what we did. I expressed what was going on in me and was able to talk through so much. Did it take everything away? No. But putting it in the light allowed me to deal with the feelings and emotions that were swirling around inside of me. And my husband was able to hear my heart with the help of friends that could hear both sides. It's not that they took my side in everything but I want to be held accountable for what I'm doing wrong in all situations. It's not about my husband but about me and making sure I stay on the right path.
I even had another friend call me that afternoon and tell me that she had words for me. I could tell by her voice I didn't want to hear them. And once she was finished I was right. I was instantly ticked off! Why am I the one that always seems to need to work on me? Why doesn't my husband have to work on anything? And I just straight out told her I was ticked off. Not at her....but still upset at what God needed me to hear. But I thanked her because honestly if I looked the other way with what God wants me to know when I'm straying then I am disrespecting God and pushing Him away and I'm pushing myself away at the same time.
We all need to confront our struggles. Even if it means we look at ourselves in the mirror in a way we would rather not do. It's hard to take a good hard look at ourselves. It is much easier to continue down certain paths and "feel" like we are okay. Because eventually it's going to kick us in the rear end.
That's why I give all of my friends free reign to approach me and let me know if they see something I don't see because I may just get used to living a certain way. Or I've adjusted to how the world views certain things. I may not like what they tell me, but that's part of being real and finding out how to be the true self God created me to be.
So if you are struggling with something and can't seem to get a grip on it by yourself...seek out someone that will give you Godly counsel. Someone you can trust that will not spread gossip or give you the wrong advice. And please do not search for someone that you know will agree with you. That defeats the whole purpose of healing. I've watched people go from person to person trying to find the one that will tell them what they are doing is right. And then I watch them circle that same mountain once again. It's so sad. And I want to make sure that I don't circle any mountains more than I need to. It's not a perfect journey all the time, but with God's help and righteous friends, it makes the journey more enjoyable and safe.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

Isaiah 53:5-6 (NIV)

Fight The Right Way

This week has been a whirlwind. There has been so much going on and I feel like I'm in someone else's body right now. It seems so crazy to pray and pray about things and know someday they will come to be and once they do, you think wait a minute, what do I do with it now?
I had to spend some time trying to figure out how to manage what I've been given. I have been gradually releasing things to God where I had been serving or volunteering so that He could make way for the blessings I've been given. It's difficult sometimes to hear that God asks us to step away from something because it makes us very uneasy. We get comfortable with our lives and what we are doing. Then we hear the word "change" and it freaks us out. Or maybe that's just me. Actually I'm not so bad with change. I can say that because God has changed my life so much and it's always been good afterwards.
But God loves us so much that He is not willing to let us stay stagnant in our lives. Once we get too comfortable, it's time to switch things up a bit. It's not for punishment just to allow us to grow into a new level. And with new levels comes new responsibilities. So I'm in the process of managing those responsibilities. But the best part of all of it is the blessings that follow.
You know in life how we feel like we work and work at something and never seem to get anywhere. That doesn't happen with God. If He asks you to work on something, there is going to be a reward at the end. It might be scary at the beginning. But how awesome to have someone leading the way for you. You are never alone in your walk with God. He is not only leading but He takes the time to hold your hand, wipe your tears, and lift you up when you need it. Where else can you find that?
I can say all of this because I know personally. He has gotten me through the roughest battles of my life and I've come out on top each time. Yes right now I'm in the midst of some new battles, but in the process of those battles, He is rewarding me for the old ones I've conquered.
So on the days you feel like giving up - Fight the right way. When we choose to fight without God and do it ourselves, we get wore out. Fight up - Not out!!! Lift your hands to God and tell Him how much you need him. When you fight out, you look at the problems around you and end up fighting the wrong people or situations. Look to God for all the answers. Do not be distracted and do the work you are called to do or make the changes you are called to make. Isn't it time for your rewards?

"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1 John 1:9 (NLT)

New Journey

I have come to the conclusion today that I'm starting a new journey of healing. I've came through so much and had many breakthroughs in my life but realizing there is still a root that is hanging inside. And it didn't come forward until I met a beautiful woman a week ago.
I looked into her sad eyes and I wanted to grab her face with my hands and look deep into her eyes and say "You are worth fighting for". I don't think she needed to hear that so much today but I think there was a time in her life that she did need to hear that. I know she has been through alot of the same experiences that I have. And it breaks my heart. I've been praying for her and to have a miraculous healing in her body.
But something happened to me last night. We went to a conference at our church and I felt a sadness. I wanted to cry and I wasn't sure why. I came home and felt an uneasiness. I finally got up at midnight and took a hot bath. I soaked in the water just to relax. I went back to bed and slept well after that but woke up teary eyed again. I woke up crying. What is that about? Who does that? Mornings are supposed to be full of excitement for the day.
There have been so many different and new ventures in front of me and I've been so excited about all of it. One of them is a fitness class that I feel is "Fitness for the Soul". God has asked me to step out and do something that no one has seen before. So I've stepped out in faith in all of it and have not been sorry for doing so. God is showing up in a big way with it. And I love that. But with ventures that people don't understand and are uncertain about they have doubts. And believe me I can understand that. I don't hold that against anyone but this is what it brought forward for me from within.
I saw myself as the woman I talked about earlier and God taking my face in His hands and saying "Lori - you are worth fighting for". I think I have lived so long trying to be independent feeling like I needed to be my biggest and only cheerleader or I wouldn't survive. And yes there has been so many people in my life that never showed me I was worth fighting for but now I have the biggest, baddest King fighting my battles for me. It does break my heart that those closest to me don't seem to cheer me on and haven't protected me when I needed it, but I know I need to move on from it and find myself once again. I need to feel in my heart and know that I am worth fighting for. And I know that this part of my journey is letting God show me how I accept the warriors He puts in my life without pushing them away so that I won't get hurt. I can't continue to protect myself any longer and know that people are just people. Just like me. I never intend to hurt anyone but I know that I'm not perfect and it could happen and has happened.
So be praying with me for my heart to be changed in this area now. And if you are struggling with the very same thing....pull your pants up and take the ride with me. It's going to be quite a ride.

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12

New Heart

I'm having a day of struggle. And I hate to even say that because I stand on God's grace each day and know I don't have to live with any struggles. But I am feeling like this struggle is a good struggle if that is even possible.
I have been doing my Worship Size almost every day since God placed it on my heart to start teaching other women what I've learned. And it has changed my heart. In a way that is abnormal for me. I am falling in love with myself. God is showing me who I am and for once in my life I am comfortable in my own skin. Sure there are parts of my body that I'm not real crazy about but I am speaking life into those parts. I used to look at my body and see fat and disgust. I would look at different areas and curse them. But I know now that I can love myself regardless of my body being perfect. It may never be the way I want it to be but I know God wants me to have a strong body just as much as I want it. He needs me to be strong in mind, body and spirit so that I can do all that He calls me to without growing weary.
Now let me explain the "struggle" part. I have looked back at so much that I've endured or put up with by people closest to me and I realize that I don't have to live with shame anymore. I felt like I deserved the disrespect that was thrown my way so I just put up with it and smiled in the midst of all of it. So I am taking a stand and saying "NO MORE"! I do deserve respect. It's not that I'm going to go around bopping people on the head demanding it. I just know that I no longer need to hang out with people or put up with the unkind words or glares thrown my way.
I can smile not with a sense of having no voice, but smile knowing that I don't care what people think or say. I am a beautiful daughter of the Most High and He created me beautiful. And I refuse to feel anything different just because of the clothes I wear or if I'm not looking perfectly on the outside. Because it's my heart that matters! And God is showing me how beautiful mine is more and more every day.
I had the opportunity to be around a group of women recently that would point at other women and make fun of them. I was shocked! I guess it's been awhile since I've been around that. Just to sit back and watch made me angry but I also had a pity for them. How sad they must feel inside that they have to judge other women around them. It doesn't matter what we look like on the outside. And if they would just take the opportunity to get to know the ones they are making fun of, they may be surprised at how beautiful we truly are.
I praise God each and every day for the work He is doing inside of me. And I will live in victory - complete victory. Thank you God!!!!

"But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely." Galatians 5:22-23 (The Message)

Wake up Call

I got a wake up call this morning. Wake up to how naive people can be. I was sitting having coffee with a friend of mine and a guy from our church walked in. We started just chatting about different subjects and we came upon a subject I really wish we would have steered clear of. Because I left the coffee shop in anger and frustration. In fact I came home and have been crying at the lack of knowledge some people have. I don't want to disrespect this man because I truly just feel that he doesn't know the other side of his story.
With that being said I will explain to you what I'm talking about. We were talking about youth and their struggles. He was telling me how he knows the way the world is with sex and images, that it is very hard for our youth to not struggle with purity. He went on to explain how when he was younger, he struggled with the same thing. Yeah...okay so far so good and then he made this one comment that tore me apart. He said "It's not a big deal if brothers and sisters experiment with sex if they are curious". What?????? I looked him in the eye and said well I think differently about that because I was sexually abused. And then I had to pray and pray hard!!!!!! I wanted to yell, scream and throw my cup across the room.
Seriously???? You think it's okay. This is something that destroys families. Not to mention that the brother and sister specifically go through their own torment. And honestly if a boy even thinks of his sister in that way then it has been modeled to him. I look at people that molest children and know that it had to have been done to them. Why would your mind even go there?
Have we actually gotten to the point that we are so naive and desensitized that we think that something like sexual abuse is just normal and some sort of experimentation? I'm sure when you talk to the victim that she/he will feel much better in knowing that. It's another excuse for abuse.
It's like people that have been beaten and then start beating their own children. If someone confronts them they explain it's okay because that's what happened to them when they were little. It's no excuse! We have the responsibility as adults to stop the cycle.
I have to tell you I think this hits so hard this morning because I saw the most beautiful woman the other day. I looked into her eyes and saw the deepest sadness I've seen in awhile. She smiles and is absolutely stunning but she is living a life of sickness that keeps her from enjoying what should be hers! And it ticks me off!!!!!! I have never wanted to track someone down so much in my life and say to them "See this woman, see what you did to her life!!!!!" And then I have to remember what I've always knew. Hurt people hurt people. So I have to take my anger and put it in the proper direction. We have an enemy that has a sole purpose of stealing from us, killing and destroying us. And he thinks he can win this battle with this beautiful woman but she has such a faith in God. That's where her true beauty comes from. And I just want to hold her face in my hands and look into her eyes and say "YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS! Open up your mouth and fight for others. This is where the healing will come from. No longer letting the enemy have control of your voice. Others need to hear what you have to say."
So here I am still crying and frustrated. I want the world to know that when there is abuse, there is pain. It's not a "why don't you just get over it" moment. It's real and it changes everything...the way you view people around you and especially the way you view yourself.
I will now start praying more than ever to help educate people on this fact at a deeper level. Obviously what's being said out there is not enough for some people. They need to hear from the victims and the torment that goes along with it.
Thanks for listening today. I just needed to get it out there. For me and for those that are crying in a corner waiting for their time of healing and to live the life they were created to live! And for my new beautiful friend!!!!!!!!

"So reach out and welcome one another to God's glory. Jesus did it; now you do it! Jesus, staying true to God's purposes, reached out in a special way to the Jewish insiders so that the old ancestral promises would come true for them. As a result, the non-Jewish outsiders have been able to experience mercy and to show appreciation to God. Just think of all the Scriptures that will come true in what we do! For instance:

Then I'll join outsiders in a hymn-sing;
I'll sing to your name!
And this one:
Outsiders and insiders, rejoice together!
And again:
People of all nations, celebrate God!
All colors and races, give hearty praise!
And Isaiah's word:
There's the root of our ancestor Jesse,
breaking through the earth and growing tree tall,
Tall enough for everyone everywhere to see and take hope!
Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!"
Romans 15:7-13 (The Message)

Trusting Once Again

Why does life have to be so hard at times? Just when I think I've gotten to a certain place....I end up needing to seek to be comfortable with circumstances again.
I'm talking about the situation with my son. I have been so thrilled with his progress but I have to say I can see little peaks of the past creeping back in. And so I have to continue to pray for the changes to happen in such a way that makes him never want to go back to his old life. Which once again means him examining and realizing how ugly the past was. And what that means is more heartache and pain. And that breaks my heart once again.
I received an email by someone working with him yesterday. It was very direct and to the point. I had asked about going to visit him this weekend. His dad needed him to sign some papers so I thought if he was going, then I would make it a trip to see my son as well. And in response to our request, we received these words......"Visits are recommended every couple of months. If you want your son to stop thinking that the world revolves around him you will have to stop acting like it does. I know you miss him but that is not a reason to visit."
Instantly I was very angry! Who does she think she is???? This is my son and if I want to see him I should be able to. But I prayed about it and heard God saying "She is right". And once I settled down, I realized the same thing. She was right. My son was there for a reason and I wanted to once again protect him. But like I've stated before, I've tried to protect him his whole life. Protect him from the pain I had felt. We always want better for our children, but when we isolate them from the world and what the world may throw their way, they are not prepared as adults to handle any situation they may face. I learned through pain and heartache. And the reason we learn that way is that we realize how much it hurts and never want to return to that old way of life. If we just walk through something that has the potential to destroy us and God just takes it away with minimal pain, then we may very well go back to that path because we made our way through with thoughts that it really wasn't that bad.
It's like if we go and touch a hot iron. If we barely touch it and barely feel the pain of being burnt, then we will go back and try it again. If we lay our hand on it and it leaves a burn that blisters and hurts for a quite awhile, we will not want to do it again. And that burn will leave a scar that once we look at it...it reminds us of what caused it.
So now I'm back to my son. He has been called recently a "materialistic jerk". When I was told that, I once again wanted to go to his rescue. But honestly he does look at the world in materialistic terms. And I want that broke in him. I want him to be okay with who he is and in life regardless of how much money he has or what he is able to buy. I want him to be the happiest man on the face of the earth even if he was dead broke and living in a little bungalow.
I have to know that God is still in control of this situation. I have to trust him completely and not want to protect my son before he is completely healed. I don't want just half a healing, I want the whole thing. So I choose to live in comfort knowing that God has my son and is taking care of the tears and pain that needs to be endured right now at this moment in time. Because it's just a small amount of time compared to the richness of true living that is yet to come.

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it."
Colossians 3:12-14 (The Message)

Victory Dances

What does uniqueness mean? I think about what my next venture is and it is unique to say the least but I am loving every minute of it. I wonder what will people think? Will this be outside of the box too much? And then I quickly shift gears. Do I really care? I didn't care years ago when I was doing the not so glorious things in my life. Well I did care but numbing out usually took care of that.
So here I am high on life and not feeling the need to numb out. I can take the good with the bad and not feel like I am going to lose any battle. Sure my life is not perfect. It is far from it. But I choose to look at it as a step in my walk of victory. I can choose to crumble to the ground or I can choose to live this day like it may be my last. And what would I want to be remembered for? For all the shameful things in the past or the ones following which include helping women to be all that they can be. Sounds like an Army commercial.
I was eating with great women last night and one of them was talking about being a warrior and putting on war makeup and the whole nine yards. So I pictured myself earlier today in a certain situation with ninja clothes kicking the crap out of the enemy and the battle he put before me. What a great feeling that was. And I feel the same way about my past. I'm kicking that every which way but loose. It is no longer connected or a part of who I am. I chose that today and will continue to live my life as a victor......no longer a victim!
I have talked to a couple of women today and telling them I was so excited for them that I wanted to do a victory dance in my living room for them. And they both said, "okay I'll watch". And then I thought - crap can I really do that? And I didn't. But I love to dance so what is my problem? I wish now I would have done that dance for the two of them. I want to dance at all times like no one is watching and who really cares if they actually are. I am going to celebrate my victories as well as those people I love around me. And I know very soon I will be dancing the fastest, longest victory dance for my son. And I can't wait. He will look at me like I'm a crazy person but I don't care. I'm going to celebrate his coming home....really coming home. Not just coming back to a life of what once was but the new life he was meant to live. And then I know I have 2 more son dances ahead of me and I can't wait for those either.
So next time you see me dancing....know that I am dancing for the lives that are being changed and when you have a victory drop me a line and I will be dancing for you as well!!!!

"If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They'll end up realizing that they're the ones who need a bath. It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That's what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others' sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God." 1 Peter 3:13-18 (The Message)

LIVE LIKE WE ARE DYING!!!! C'mon dance with me!!!!

Evaluate Your Life

I'm having a hard time blogging right now. I feel like I get up every morning and life is good so what would I have to say that anyone would want to hear. And then I realize how I think people will only want to read this if it has to do with struggles or a scandalous past. Sure we all like the twists and turns of someone's life especially if it's not our own. If we can live through someone else's eyes for awhile it takes the focus off of our lives.
God has been telling me to not only blog the bad but also the good. I pray and ask for things to happen in my life and I mention them but the whole point of God answering my prayers is for His glory and so that He can show up so others will believe that He can show up for them as well.
So I am going to try harder to blog daily once again. Even if I feel like you don't want to hear what I am typing. I took the focus off of what I was trying to do with this blog to begin with and that was for my own healing. Not whether someone else cares about what I'm going through or have been through.
God is allowing so many opportunities in my life right now. I say so many but it is a few but these few have the potential of absolutely changing my life in awesome ways. And I am so thankful for that. Once God gave me a vision for fitness, I reluctantly stepped up and said "I'm in completely Father. Let's do this thing." And it has been a fast, effortless ride so far. He has put everything into place for me. Providing a wonderful place and all the small details to go along with it.
Now I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous about this fitness class. But if God will answer my prayers for the littlest things, why wouldn't He bless me for the much bigger?
I am getting stronger and feeling more confident in myself as we go along in this journey. Right now I'm taking baby steps trying to feel the ground underneath me, but with His help I will be taking large strides and be comfortable enough in this season that I will be as surefooted as a deer.
He has placed the most incredible people in my life for such a time as this and I can't wait to see what surprises are in store every single day. When is the last time you have felt that way? Our lives should never be so difficult that we don't know if we can take another day. If you are feeling that way, then it's time to evaluate what's wrong. We are uncomfortable because we are not living according to the plan laid out for us. It pushes us make a shift to the right path and direction. If you don't feel like you can hear that from God, just sit back because He will send someone to let you know in a way that you will say.....ahhhhhh I get it now. Know that you are blessed and life was not meant to destroy you...it was meant to enjoy and be fulfilling. I'm seeing more and more signs of that every single day.

"The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:19

Enjoying the Ride

My life has been changing in such a big way. I think of all the prayers I have had along the years but the constant ones were for my boys and to be able to reach millions. I can remember there were times that I would just think if someone only believed in me I could handle and do more. When I was single, I felt like I needed to wait till I was married to actually find a true ministry. When I was working in a job I didn't really like some years ago, I thought if I only had a different job I could find what I was called to do.
But there was a certain point in my life that I just wanted to serve God and other people. It didn't matter what my circumstances were. I was going to take the time to once and for all heal what needed to be healed inside of me. And I didn't need anyone holding my hand to do that. All I needed was a heart that wanted to change. Because I know that God had waited years for me so I didn't need to worry about His presence in my life.
I look at how well things are going in my life right now and I have to praise God every single day. He is answering prayers in my sons but He is taking me on a journey of happiness that I could have never dreamed was possible. I was worshiping this morning and started crying. How in the world would someone want to do such good things for a woman like me. I had done so many awful things in my life. I knew for sure I didn't deserve it. But I know none of us deserve anything in life. We are made deserving through Jesus Christ.
So if you are reading this and thinking "My life will never change. I am all alone." Just know that you are never alone. God is by your side. Know that all you need to do is pray and ask but also get to a place that you can allow God to do a mighty work in your heart. It's not our knowledge that keeps us from our true destiny in life, it's our hearts. We have been through some heartaches here and there and our heart stores those memories. It's time to release those memories to God. Start with a clean slate. Your heart was designed to hold love that is poured in by our Heavenly Father and that is done through Him and people He puts in our path. Once it is filled with the proper love, it will overflow and pour out into others. But you have to find the love in your own heart first.
I can say this because I have lived it. Like I said before....how could God use a person like me? But why not me? Why not you? I don't want my blessings to be given to someone else because I'm too stubborn to look into my own mirror and realize what I need to work on. I'm still a work in progress but I'm definitely enjoying the benefits right now. Thank you God!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

New Beginnings

Yesterday was a day of refreshment and answered prayers. We went to see my youngest son. I was so excited to see him. I couldn't wait to give him a big hug and the best part was that it was a complete surprise to him. He had no idea we were coming.
When we arrived one of the staff hollered at him and said he had something he needed to take care of. He came out of the t.v. room and came face to face with us. I couldn't tell if he was excited, sad or what emotion was even on his face. I tried to give him a hug and he held back.
We took him out so that we could go eat and do some shopping. I tried talking to him and he didn't want to talk. He would just answer as much as he needed to get by. I kept praying asking God to not let this be like the last trip. I needed it to be different. And then I thought about how selfish I was being. This wasn't about me. It was about my son. So I reluctantly said "Father if I need to have my heart crushed again so that my son can heal and get out anything today, then let that happen." I didn't want to leave crying and emotionally drained again. But I also know my son's life is worth anything that I would need to go through. So I kept praying and telling God whatever my son needed that day just let it happen.
We went to Red Lobster and ate. I sat across from my son and kept looking in his eyes. I thought there were many times I was going to need to excuse myself to the bathroom so that I could get a grip on my emotions. I kept fighting back the tears. His eyes were so sad. I kept thinking, How did we get to this place in our lives? Where did we go from having such a happy, energetic son to one that has to be away from us and has to go through such a difficult time? It was breaking my heart.
But once we stepped foot into some stores, my son's eyes lit up. He is my shopper. He loves shopping for clothes and shoes. Now if you know me at all....I am definitely not a shopper. But I had a blast with him yesterday. We laughed and joked throughout the stores. It seemed to open up his enthusiasm. Once he opened up he wouldn't stop talking. He explained what he had been doing while he's been gone. And how he is enjoying working at various places. He works a full day for a soda pop. And he gets excited. This is a boy that used to hate to do anything other than drive around and party. Money was very important to him. He could never get enough of it. Now he loves to just volunteer his time. His special interest is working at a pheasant farm. He's already been offered a job there when he completes his program.
But the one thing he talked about the most was helping the other boys that are in there. He said, "Mom one of the boys in here just lost his older brother. He died while riding his bike. He was 19." This boy could pick a few peers to stay up with him all night and help him deal with this loss he had just endured. And he chose my son. I could tell it really touched his heart. My son then explained he would love to be staff at this private school he is now attending. He wants to help boys that are struggling.
What an answered prayer! I couldn't ask for anything better for my son. His heart is changing. But I can tell all those around him are as well.
I know why he was quiet. He was testing the waters. I had sent him a letter explaining the frustration I had with everything he had been doing. I know he was feeling some shame and guilt and he didn't know where I stood in it. He needed to make sure I genuinely loved him yesterday. That I was going to love him regardless of what he had done. Once again he reassured me he was going to complete the program. In fact he told me something I was expecting to hear. He plans to stay longer than I was anticipating. I had been counting down the months but it seems I may need to add a few more months to the original count.
He has goals now! But not only does he have the goals but he is moving towards them and making plans to achieve them. Thank you God!!!!
Maybe you have felt like you would never be forgiven for things you've done in the past of maybe you are on the opposite end and have had a problem forgiving someone for something they've done. I pray that you will deal with it today. You are not only holding them back but most importantly you are holding yourself back from the blessings that God has in store for you. After releasing my son to God, I'm aware of what He is capable of. If I was still holding on to my son and keeping him from the healing God had planned, we would still be living a lie. A lie of pain and suffering for all of us. God can do the same for you. Find your new beginnings!

"You're all I want in heaven!
You're all I want on earth!
When my skin sags and my bones get brittle,
God is rock-firm and faithful.
Look! Those who left you are falling apart!
Deserters, they'll never be heard from again.
But I'm in the very presence of God—
oh, how refreshing it is!
I've made Lord God my home.
God, I'm telling the world what you do!"

Psalm 73:25-28 (The Message)