I had my lifegroup last night and we always have a journaling time. I enjoy that each week. And I started asking God questions regarding my future. And He said to me that I am starting to walk in the blessings He has had waiting for me. That He has released me to them and from the ugliness that was my past. I could feel Him loving on me and saying "Well done my daughter". You pushed through. You didn't give up. I am so thankful for everything that God has done for me.
But as I was thinking about walking in the blessings I felt somewhat confused. I feel like a newborn giraffe trying to find my legs underneath me to stand upright. I pictured myself walking out of a dark cave that I had been in for so long and seeing the light. And it shined so bright I had to strain my eyes to see around me.
Sometimes we live in the battle or the darkness for so long, we don't realize when victory has come upon us. And then how do we let go of the defense mode or tools we've battled with?
I'm taking a new journey. A refreshing journey full of FUN!!! Notice my key word. I can't wait. Now I have to train myself to be okay with joy. Without looking for the next big sonic boom to come my way. To know I can still battle with God by my side but the war has been won. Now there will be a few fires here and there. And I feel a relief with my son. I spoke to God last night and told Him that I release my son completely to him and apologized for thinking I could do a better job than He could. I look at my life and see how I've changed and grown. Why would I ever doubt the same could be accomplished with my son. He just won't have to live with the darkness as long as I did. Hallelujah! Isn't that what every parent wants for their children?
I heard a song as I was worshiping this morning and the lyrics are "My life's a love song for you". And I have to say I looked at those lyrics in a whole new way. My life has been a love song for God. It's been a journey just between the 2 of us. He has loved on me in a way that has brought me to the peace I've wanted for so long. And in return I've fell in love with Him in a way that is unconditional and amazing!
I pray today that you will look to God in a new way. Not someone unreachable but someone that will meet you right where you are at. Someone that wants to completely love you with no strings attached. But be warned.....it will change your life! It did mine and I can say everything I went through was well worth it. You are worth it! Don't give up on yourself because God hasn't. Thank you God that you didn't give up on me.
"For this is the original message we heard: We should love each other." 1 John 3:11 (The Message)
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