My head is spinning today. I was taking a shower this morning pondering on the many things that seem to be going on around me. And wondering how it all fits together. I mentioned it to a friend today and she mentioned it being like a puzzle. And that's how I'm feeling. That God keeps giving me little pieces to this puzzle. And it's just enough to keep me thirsting for more and to strive for the whole thing to be completed.
The one thing I am sure of is that it pertains to my prayers. I've been praying for years for God to use me to reach millions of people. He is answering them but in a way I never thought was possible. I think it is going to be beyond my prayers and what I thought I would be blessed in doing.
I was taking a shower this morning asking God how this new possible opportunity should look like. I was wanting to know if it was of Him or if I was making it up. And He brought to my mind something I had journaled 3 years ago. I can remember it vividly. I had been going through some major health issues and wasn't sure of what was going on. I could not go to sleep one night so I got up and decided to journal. I just needed to hear from God. I don't remember exactly what I wrote at this moment but I definitely remember the word I wrote down and it was "cancer". My heart sank. Was I going to be diagnosed with cancer? I started crying. I said please God not that. What would my boys do? They had witnessed their Grandma suffer from pancreatic cancer and it affected them all so much. So I cried and prayed for what seemed like hours. But then there was a peace that came over me. And I just told God. I asked to be able to reach millions to share your love and if that means it will be through an illness than count me in.
For quite some time I thought I was going to be diagnosed with cancer. My health problems were explained, I had surgery and now doing much better. And I'm still cancer free. But He brought that up to me again this morning. And then a huge lightbulb went off in my head. This new opportunity will be that I am around women suffering from cancer.
I had taken the word literally in my own life and that's not what God meant at all. Sometimes we hear something from God and we do not wait for Him to explain it. We just instantly think something that our flesh would try to figure out. Why are we so analytical? Why do we try to figure everything out on our own? I know that is why God gives me little puzzle pieces at a time. He knows that I would be reading more into everything and driving myself crazy. And quite honestly I can do that to myself enough the way it is.
So I'm holding on to a new puzzle piece and waiting for God to show me where it goes. I am so excited to see this new puzzle which is my life to be completed. To know where my place is finally. It may be for a short season and then God will start giving me new pieces to a new puzzle. But the best part is that I know it will be a bigger and better puzzle!
"Carefully keep the commands of God, your God, all the requirements and regulations he gave you. Do what is right; do what is good in God's sight so you'll live a good life and be able to march in and take this pleasant land that God so solemnly promised through your ancestors, throwing out your enemies left and right—exactly as God said." Deuteronomy 6:18-19 (The Message)
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