No Fear in Love

Yesterday was difficult for me. God was asking me to be vulnerable in front of a group of people at our church and it scared me to death. Someone gave their testimony about the return of the Prodigal Son and I thought instantly about my son. God once again reassured me that my son is exactly where he needs to be right now. And I started crying. I kept praying please God not here. I don't want anyone to see me like this. I want to be strong because if I don't seem strong then it looks like I don't have any trust in you with this situation. I kept thinking that I would share what was going on and people would look and roll their eyes. I just knew they would be thinking, "Get over it already. What in the world is wrong with you?"
I spent most of the class trying to force it back down. I kept looking towards the door and realized I couldn't just bolt. The circle we were in was completely shut. I couldn't just rush out to contain myself and my emotions. I was screaming inside. And I kept waiting for my opportunity to speak but class was almost over. I just knew I could do this. I could get through it without breaking down. Once I was out of here I could go to the bathroom and hide in a stall and get a grip of my emotions. I was literally shaking.
But I knew God was asking me to speak. And it didn't matter what everyone else thought about it because the only one that really mattered was God and I knew I would be disobedient if I didn't speak.
So I opened up my mouth to speak and once I did the tears flowed. I couldn't even talk and I thought to myself, "Yeah Lori this is what they came to class for....to see a babbling woman fall apart." I just knew I was making everyone feel uncomfortable. But once I spoke I felt lighter. This group of people were so supportive. When I pray for God to put people in my life that will love me....really love me regardless of my strengths and weaknesses, He answers. And He showed me that people will be there if I just allow myself to be vulnerable.
This awesome group of people prayed for my son and I know because I was obedient in being vulnerable, God answered the prayers yesterday. He changed something in my son's heart yesterday, but guess what???? He also changed something in mine. Thank you God and thank you wonderful people for listening and being there for a woman in need.
I'm saying to you today.....don't hold back the tears. Tears are healing. When we push them down they have a tendency to turn towards anger. It's not the emotion we started with, but if we do not release the hurt, then the hurt inside turns to anger outside. Pray for God to put someone in your life that will listen and be there for you to help you through the pain. He will do it! Believe me when I tell you that because He did it for me yesterday. I was scared to death even to the point I was making myself sick, but it was so worth it. God is in the business of changing hearts. We just need to release our hearts to Him so He can make the changes necessary. I always felt unlovable. I have a ways to go to let people love on me, but I will take the baby steps along the way. How about you?

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 (NIV)