Love Never Gives Up

I'm crawling to the finish line today. The finish line meaning the completion of another day. I cannot move and I feel like I just want to be done. I'm saying "feel like" because I know it's a feeling and that's all. I know I cannot give up. I didn't come this far and work so hard in my life to stop now. But to be honest I'm ready to crawl into my bed and sleep. I hate this feeling!!! I don't think I've ever felt exactly like this before. Maybe because before it just was about me and my healing. I haven't ever felt so helpless in a situation. I always knew I was in control because it had to do with me. If I gave up it only affected me, but in reality if I would have given up it would have affected the ones I love around me even more.
I've been strolling around the house much like a woman with no purpose. I am feeling totally defeated. Isn't that what the enemy would love for me to feel? I've been so used to depending on myself for so long and it seems as though I've had the strength to do just that. But I don't know if I can do this one alone. With alone I'm not saying completely alone. I know I've always had God. I mean by asking for help from those around me. I hate to be a nuisance to anyone. I don't want to bother people. After all everyone has their own struggles. Why would I bother anyone with mine. I have fallen apart in front of friends before and I know that they feel uncomfortable. It's hard to know how to react and I know they worry about saying the right thing. So I've learned to suck it up, pull the strength from deep down and walk through it without asking for anything.
I found a picture of my son this morning. I looked at it and started crying. It was a picture of him and his brother playing in the mud at their Grandma's house. He was completely covered in mud. In fact the only thing sticking out of the mud was his head and hands. God asked me to send it to him. And I looked through a whole stack of pictures thinking I could surely find a better one. But it didn't matter I knew this was the one. As I looked over it again God spoke to me. This is where your son is at right now. He is in the deepest pit he could ever be in. But his head is above ground and his hands are up ready to be pulled out. All he has to do is ask. And then God spoke to me and said you are in the same place. Except the way in which you can be pulled out is different. You will need to rely on the people that love you and I've put into your life for such a time as this.
What?????? You've got to be kidding me! God - I'm sure I heard you wrong. You know that people scare me. Have I ever really had anyone I can truly trust in my life? I've had close friends that I trusted and felt they were like a sister and then one thing happened and they acted like I was their worse enemy. Anything but that God!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!
From my past abuse I have had a fear of man. It was easy to trust God because I knew how much He loved me. He showed me all the time. But people are a different story. Remember when I talked about emptying out so that God could fill me back up? Well this is what He is trying to do...fill me up with the right kind of love that comes from someone other than Him. I'm at a place where God is calling me to die to myself once again. I sure hope I'm up for the challenge.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

1 Corinthians 13:3-7