I'm writing this blog with some excitement and apprehension. As I've told you some time ago, my youngest son is at a private school. I have only talked to him 3 times since December 10th. That is all we have been allowed due to him making the changes he needs to make. It has been very difficult. I feel like I've lost my son. Each time I talk to him on the phone it seems to make it that much worse. I miss him even more.
I look back to when he was a toddler. He has always been so full of energy, laughter and willpower. He has a heart that is full of compassion. He has shown that to so many people. But he lost it. He lost sight of the young man that he was created to be. God showed me this morning back when my son broke his leg twice. When he was around 2, he tumbled down the stairs at his grandparents house. He was so busy running around pushing a little grocery cart that he must have forgot the stairs were close by. His grandparents brought him home not thinking anything major was wrong. My son continued to cry and I decided he needed to be checked out by a doctor. He had an x-ray and he had broke his bone in his lower leg. So they put a bright blue cast on his leg just below the knee.
That didn't keep him down. He still ran all over the place. He just adjusted to the heaviness on his other leg. I got a phone call from my babysitter at work and she said my son had fallen again and wasn't sure if he was alright. He was crying uncontrollably. So I took him back to the doctor and they x-rayed the part of his leg that had already been broken. They said it was fine. So I took him home.
It didn't take long to realize it was far from fine. He would just sit on the floor and cry and his legs were having tremors. So I decided to take him to another doctor. He did an x-ray of the whole leg and found that my son had snapped his femur bone above the knee. Since his leg couldn't give when he fell due to the cast already there, it just broke instantly.
The next cast that had to be put on was a body cast. They took him to surgery right away and he woke up with this heavy thing covering most of his little body. We took him home and I remember how difficult it was for him to have to lay around. That's all he was able to do. When he would go in the vehicle with us, we would have to lie him down in the back of a suburban with the seats out. I finally figured out a way to put a bean bag in the front seat of his dad's pickup so he could ride around the farm and be able to see all around him.
But I have to tell you it didn't take long for him to pull himself up to a coffee table even with a body cast on. He would pivot around everything smiling from ear to ear. He was determined to not stay down for long.
Looking back to the determination in this little boy of 2 reminds me that God put that in him for such a time as this. I was on my knees crying to the Lord this morning about this weekend and when the song came on with lyrics "It's going to be worth it", I realized God has it all under control. He has my son in His hands and guiding the newness and changes that need to happen. My son not only belongs to me but he belonged to God first. God knows my son's heart and he knows how to reach him in a way that I could only dream of.
So if any of you are facing your own issues with your children, know that God is there and waiting for you to release them to Him. Once we try to protect our children in our way, we stand in the way of what could save their lives entirely. Our protection and wanting them to not hurt or suffer is only prolonging that pain. We are not allowing the Lord to love on them in a way that will not be a bandaid fix but a deep cleaning that scars over to be healed completely! I'm ready for that. Are you?
"I love you, God— you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight. My God—the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout." Psalm 18:1-2 (The Message)
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