Letting Go

After blogging yesterday I went and had a massage from an awesome friend of mine. She does wonders with her hands, but the best part is she lets God use her in a way that touches more than my tight muscles but right to my heart. Yesterday was no different.
We were discussing my neck and shoulders and why they were so sore. At one point she pressed on my shoulder and said "This here is not of Jesus, what's going on?"
I love this friend of mine! Tell it like it is girl! I can say that today but yesterday was a little different. It brought up so much in me. In fact when I blogged yesterday about that little girl that just wanted "Somebody to love her", God revealed more to that one short sentence.
I discovered that I have decided that I need to carry the heaviness of my past hurts in my neck and shoulders because I don't ever want to forget it. I always wanted to be reminded of where I’ve been so that I could walk with women through their hurts and suffering. I feel like I need to really be able to feel it so I won't forget what God did for me as well. And I heard God say "You are trying to carry the pain that my son was meant to bear for you and others. You are putting yourself on the cross for these women. You can help these women without carrying your painful past."
The other thing that was brought out yesterday was a "key". My friend said that I had a key to my lack of sleep and happiness and I knew what it was. What? If I had a key and knew what it was, wouldn't I be using it??
Which brings me to sleep. I know I blame my lack of sleep on my husband's snoring but reality is that I haven't slept well since I was a little girl. I could never fall into a deep sleep because I had to be aware of my surroundings. I never knew who was going to come in my bedroom and what they were going to do. So I've had years and years of little or no sleep. You know I've had God with me the entire time just to stay focused in daily life.
Back to the key....my friend was done with my massage and she said take my time getting up. So I laid there on my stomach trying to figure out what the key was. And I heard God say 2 things. "Let people love you and give me that little girl". I immediately started sobbing. I told Him that I couldn't let Him have her because He would hurt her. And if I let other people in my life, they will hurt her too. I need to protect her from anymore pain. After all hadn't she been through enough?
And God is reminding me I cannot be completely free from my past until I release that hurt, abused little girl to Him. She needs to go to Heaven to live with Him and live in innocence and forget the scars and pain from a distant past. And then I can have that same feeling in my heart as well. I will be able to do what my friend told me yesterday - Be refreshed and feel like I've been given back all the years of lost sleep and I will have a renewal in my body and mind.
So I choose to do that today. I may have to continually remind myself every day of that choice. I do want that happiness and joy that God is promising me. I went in for a massage yesterday and left with a key to the unlocking of my core. The core I've been waiting years to reach. And here it is. Thank you my dear friend and thank you God!!!!

Side Note - I've been hearing this song for awhile now and knew God was trying to tell me something but I was confused. I didn't have a daughter die. Why did it pertain to me? And now I know. So I'm sharing it with you today. I do have a little girl that has gone to Heaven. Hallelujah!!! (Please click here)