Better Listener Than Talker

I've been thinking about this blog and what I first set out to accomplish and that is to find me. I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't realize that I would be having such a hard time looking in the mirror. I don't think I understand how much I had shoved that little girl down into the depths of my soul. It's like I've pushed her down to never see daylight because she needs to be protected. And what if I let her out? What does she hold within? I'm sure there has to be sadness, frustration and anger. I know there was a time that someone had really upset me. He was moving me away from my kids and an anger came from deep down that frightened me. My arms were swinging and I made contact with his face. Instead of an anger it was more of a rage. That scared me so much that I vowed to keep that emotion deep down. It could never come up again.
I think back to that time in my life. I was struggling with my relationship with my sons. In fact 2 of them wouldn't hardly even speak to me. My mom had just passed away from cancer and my new husband had gotten a job in Denver and we needed to move away. Which meant I was leaving my sons behind. My youngest son was a momma's boy and I think he suffered the most when I left but I know it affected all of us. I would drive back as much as possible but I no longer wanted to live the life I had put myself in. In fact I tried to commit suicide several times. I would take enough pills that should have killed me but I would wake up days later and be angry. Why did I have to wake up???? I was no good to anyone. Everyone would be better off without me. How selfish was that thinking? Finally I decided enough was enough and I moved back to be with my boys and left my husband. We had a long distance marriage for a few years but ended up going our separate ways.
Isn't it funny how we go through life with major events happening each and every day and somehow we just move on thinking we are supposed to deal with it. We don't really know how to deal but life isn't going to stop because we are struggling. There are jobs we need to go to, kids that need taken care of and a house that needs cleaned, etc. Who has time to stop and focus on healing? But we need to. Our bodies were not meant to house the junk we shove in. Somewhere we stopped communicating in our society. We have decided being busy is the answer to everything. I know that God has put some incredible friends in my path that are ready to listen if I need to talk. I just don't want to bother them because I know they surely have better things to do. But we need to take the time for one another. We need to be there for each other and I'm thankful for my friends. I'm sure you have them as well. I know I'm a better listener than talker. But maybe it's time for me to talk!

"You're blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom,
when you make friends with Madame Insight.
She's worth far more than money in the bank;
her friendship is better than a big salary.
Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth;
nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her.
With one hand she gives long life,
with the other she confers recognition.
Her manner is beautiful,
her life wonderfully complete.
She's the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her.
Hold her tight—and be blessed!"
Proverbs 3:13-18 (The Message)