Back To The Basics

I have an unexplainable joy today that is an answered prayer. I have been praying for God to put a joy inside of me that will never leave. It's funny how once you get used to bad things happening, drama and trauma, you feel like that should be a part of your life all the time. It's almost like you see that as your identity and who you are. It was like I wanted to make myself a little sad so that when the next blow came I would already be at that place that it wouldn't be so devastating. I was sick of the roller coaster ride I had created for myself. God would show me happiness and I would be good for a couple of days, but then it was going against the grain that I had created so I would revert back to my old ways. It was uncomfortable for me. Isn't that sad? That what was comfort to me was illness and sadness.
I had such a breakthrough with my husband last week. I am so in love with him. I can't wait to see him when he comes home. This is new for me but it's an incredible feeling. And I know I couldn't do any of this...feel any of this without God. He does answer prayers. He answered mine in a big way!
He is now showing me a different kind of joy. I feel like He is asking us to sell everything and follow Him. The reason I know that it is God is because it is not freaking me out. I have a peace and feel almost relieved. We have been struggling with finances for some time. In fact the only way we have survived each month is by God's grace and mercy. We have not had any steady income coming in for quite awhile and yet we've been able to pay all of our bills each month. But we are at a place that is very bleak. The worst it's ever been and I'm excited! Because I know God has something wonderful just around the corner for us.
He showed me this morning the time when I first came to know Him...when I built my relationship with Him. Prior to going to church, I was living with a man. I started going to church and someone mentioned to me that it was a sin to live with someone. Those words did something inside of me. So much so that I decided to move out shortly after. I found the first place I could afford by myself. It was an apartment over a business. I can actually say it should have been condemned. It was awful. I moved there in October and stayed during the winter. The only heater was an old large overhead heater and needless to say it didn't heat much. The windows wouldn't close all the way so at night my son and I would have to push the bed right under the heater just to stay warm. I could say it was the lowest point in my life, but that's where I found God the most! Every night I would read my bible, devotion book and journal. That's where I fell in love with Him.
So here I am once again. Not in the exact same place but similar. I have hope because I know where my husband and I are today is exactly where we need to be and God has it completely under control. I realize once again I don't need "things" to make me happy. I just need my husband, family and friends. The rest is just fluff...a filler for God and who needs that. I have found true happiness today and that is being okay with myself and not worrying about where my next meal is coming from because I know that God has it under control. He will never leave me! It's time to get back to the basics with my Heavenly Father.

"In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 118:5-6